I need to lose weight

Oh sweet Jesus if You're reading keep me ever slim, or You can begin by making me slim.

There is a dire need for Joel to lose weight because 5 minutes before these words were typed he sat on his large computer chair and propelled himself forward to access the keyboard but due to his rolling weight he was thrust forward and his thunder thigh slammed into a pointed area on the table where the keyboard rests.

No he didn't bleed because of his exoskeleton but there is a scratch mark lost in the stretch marks. Joel has come to learn being fat has everything wrong. Firstly, when people hog the edge of a seat in the bus, you have to slam your butt into their faces and God bless you, you won't fart. I know people like that are being highly obnoxious and unethical but to present your anus straight in their face isn't really angelic either.

Today Joel was making his way to meet his friend so they could exit campus together when he was interrupted in his tracks by a hippo, the hulking girl exited the toilet and served better than those plastic roadblocks.

See, to avoid becoming a cosmetic abomination Joel has to become skinnier. No denying Joel is fat but Joel isn't fat to the brink of becoming an oil rig. Maybe it is self delusion because I swear the ground I jog on every alternate day has become lopsided. Beat it, for someone who can bitch about fat people I do something about my own weight lest I become a walking self-shooter. I managed to button my blazer, beat that again. I bet the hippo has to push, tuck, suck, pull, lift in order to pee or tie laces.

No names mentioned, if you felt offended you should learn to reconfigure the trigger on your conscience. No names mentioned either lest I receive unwarranted and unwanted lawyer letters.