Whats in a name?

Somebody call 911

2010-09-15T22:53:00.001+08:00

One core factor of a successful organization is the efficiency level of the staff in both the high posts and the lowly posts. From this statement I finally found a reason as to why a certain organization in Singapore has beyond horrible planning and execution. The organization intelligently hires temporary staff and pays them as much as a retired race horse and ignores meritocracy by stripping them of benefits because a minority abuses the privileges. There really isn't an impetus to work well under such circumstances. Not especially when your job is quite the backbone of the organization instead of the yelling at the top of your lungs in gutter-speak. To equality and beyond.

I am shining like a candle in the dark

2009-10-06T10:54:00.000+08:00

Fucked up morning. First i am late for work. work starts at 9 and i left my house at 830 because my fucking computer kept restarting itself and crashing when i all i wanted was to upload japanese pokemon into my DS which i had for over a year and someone didnt even know.

I know i dont read japanese but i am just going to try and figure out what the hell it is trying to tell me, maybe soon ill be able to read 'pokeball', 'yes', 'tackle', 'no', 'razor leaf', 'masterball'. So when i see a japanese written menu i might identify.

Me: Zomg this menu says 'masterball'.

Then the morning grind in the train to work. This fucking square arm lady fumbled about in her bag to look for bloody wet tissue and her square elbows kept rubbing me in the wrong way and no the genie did not come. And she didnt even say sorry. stupid skank. Sorry please, i am saving my chastity for my future love which might never come, can you imagine, some losers have had 5 girlfriends before and i dont never had a single partner, i am officially at the loser of losers which some people might lovingly agree.

Yah i know, real men play rugby.

Then for some crazy fuckass reason, a great influx of fat women suddenly fill the train and engulf me in this pool of cellulite.

2 stops away from my workplace when the cloud of cellulite cleared, this diabolical indian man with his devil eyes keeps looking my way and inadvertently 'glares' at me. Like wtf wear shades please.

I fucking hate it when people walk slowly on a narrow lane. hurry the fuck up, i dont care if you are 80.

I am waiting for my msn muses to come online so i can bitch about my boss. This huge ass incarnate of all the cellulite in the world. And shes 21. And i saw her 21st birthday pictures with her posing in a sari. And shes fat.

Not good.

That is so not good.

She even said she looks fat.

HELLO WHAT FAT?!

WHEN YOU SIT DOWN YOUR LAYERS FORM THE RICE TERRACES IN PHILIPPINES. Fat my ass, ya my ass is fat, that is called fat, you're just a whooping all-devouring mountain. And the little hair folicles on her tummy can be the rice plants, not that i've seen her unshaved tummy, but she looks like she has too much to shave too much area to cover and therefore wont bother shaving. Can she even reach certain areas?

She owes me 2 dollars. Bitch. Better than some boss owe 50 dollars.

I get to meet my friends tomorrow, wheee. Uber glad they make time for me, some pple always not free.

Me: "Hello thursday you free?"
FF: "NO"

Been asking that for almost a year now same guy somemore, thanks ah.

Is this in my head I dont know what to think

2009-09-22T15:21:00.002+08:00

Missed Connection post.

This is with regards to a missed connection on the 21st Sep Monday on Hari Raya Holiday.

This goes out to a friend from Secondary School I lost contact with. I hope you still visit my dead blog so you can see this.

I was in a car with another fellow Secondary School friend, we actually sounded the horn to get your attention. It was at Chai Chee a HDB carpark at around 1pm. You were wearing shades.

I wanted to say Hello.

So anyway, Hello.

=)

At the top of my lungs, I'm giving it back

2009-07-03T22:36:00.002+08:00

My stupid brother has torrent.

He made me lag while i was in dota world.

Stupid bitch.

Its ok, thanks to a friend, i bet i had torrent before he did, so, hog my fucking bandwidth and i will do the same, just download some crap like soft porn or a Michael Bay film.

And i bet he has no qualms about hogging the shit out of my bandwidth.

Since his cold persona cant give a fuck, I should stop caring first.

If you do know a person will one day stop caring for you, or you can see it heading that way, I suggest that you stop caring first, that way when the day comes where the truth comes out, it will hurt less.

A lot less.

It works and plus, you wont learn to hate. I mean I didnt. Hate is... a waste of time. Just bitch it out and ignore the person, you know you want to. No point in caustic verbal bloodbaths. If a person didnt care, why should you. I mean at some point of your lives, both of you would've tried to fix it, but then it cant be fixed cause people dont change. So forget it, you both tried. Move on.

Boom Boom Boom Boom

2009-06-29T17:32:00.006+08:00

Clean your room clean your room
Clean your room clean your room

Mother just came back from work

Clean your room clean your room
Clean your room clean your room
Clean your room clean your room
Clean your room clean your room

When your mom nags at your messy room
And she threatens to ban you from cable
And you need a
Quick fast clean up now
I'd be your cleaner tonight

Mass clean up mass clean up
This is what I am paid to do
Mass clean up mass clean up
We'll have that scrubbed
Mass clean up mass clean up
Sponge to sponge just me and you
Mass clean up mass clean up

Broom broom broom broom
I wanna sweep your room
Lets use that pail of water
Add soap and put some detol

Broom broom broom broom
I need another broom
We spend the night together
Together sweep your room

*Instrumental*

Sweep faster sweep faster
Dont forget to tip me more
Sweep faster sweep faster
Throw that condom wrapper now
Sweep faster sweep faster
This is what I am paid to do

Sweep faster sweep faster
I am having fun
Sweep faster sweep faster
Sponge to sponge just me and you
Sweep faster sweep faster

Broom Broom Broom Broom
You need to get off sex
I see so many wrapper
11th one i've swept up

Broom Broom Broom Broom
Gimme another broom
We spend the night together
Together clean your room

Broom Broom Broom Broom
We need to hurry up
Your mother getting grouchy
She didnt see your condoms

Broom Broom Broom Broom
You need another broom
We spend the night together
Together sweep condoms

Sweep Sweep Sweep
*Instrumental*

Whoa oh Whoa oh
Whoa oh Whoa oh
Whoa oh Whoa oh
Whoa oh Whoa oh

*Instrumental*

Broom Broom Broom Broom
Your room now very clean
Your mother also damn shocked
Now wont unplug the cable

Broom Broom Broom Broom
I want a double tip
We'll spend the night together
Together use condoms

Broom Broom Broom Broom
I want you in my pants
We spend the night together
Together sweep our backside

Broom Broom Broom Broom
Lets have a couple bath
We spend the night together
Together scrub our backs

And I will bring you back home to shoot

2009-05-10T20:39:00.001+08:00

Why is shooting in non-national security areas a felony? It is not as if we are planting a bomb there and detonating it to blow up film equipment, granite walls and our intestines. The film isnt going to be used to sate the emptiness of the average porn addict or at least as long as we aren't even making a porn movie i do not see why people have to get very anal about locations being used for shooting.

As responsible half adults, we understand that keeping a place neat can prove hard judging from the state of our rooms, but face it, we're more responsible with things that aren't ours as compared to our century old pillow which is probably a door rug now.

The most lame excuse is to have no excuse, the very least they can do to provide the illusion of closure is to cook up an excuse like his mom died in there and our very presence will upset the serenity of her naggy spirit. Rather than NO.

I am trailing off but the worst excuse was that the owner or the custodian of the location was afraid that we were going to shoot an Edison II. Look, we're innocent sweet virgin 20 year olds, as very conservative asians who wont even walk around naked in a public pool toilet, we wont even muster the testosterone to unhinge our belt from the hoops and bear it all infront of a camera, it is depressing to know we cant change the size of our goods so why go the distance and bear it on camera and even upload it to the infinite multitudes and wait for bootleg copies to fly into the shelves of Poh Kim.

Main point, it is just a premise, a location, it does not cause alarmingly high amounts of emotional distress, physical affliction or psychological demands so it is plain malicious and anti-karma to turn us down and deter our dreams just because the location keeper probably didn't get to live his/hers.

Note: Struggling film students are harmless, they are incapable of causing a deleterious amount of anarchy, bedlam and pernicious upheavals. What you see in their messy rooms will never be reflected in the state of your location after they have left.

Don't be deplorable, be nice.

Ok, i hate permission letters, it is necessary and docile but garners brutal responses. Not good. At least i know how to write one.

And it is very heart warming for our lecturers to realize that we students are still students and learners so there is a need to be benignly taught and not yelled at over the phone at 10 in the morning just because someone needs to bring issues to work and gloatingly air her incompetence and idiocy.

You must love me

2009-05-03T18:27:00.002+08:00

I have just read an article about Jackie Chan lambasting singaporeans for having no self-respect.

I am sorry, i agree.

To begin with Singapore has nothing for the world to recognise.

Argentina had Evita, American has Madonna, Britain has the Queen, Australia has that Opera House and Cate Blanchett, Japan had Akira Kurosawa and Miyoshi Umeki and 'Grave of the fireflies', China has many people, Indonesia has forest fires, Thailand has political turmoil, Iceland has Bjork, Malaysia who so happens to be next to us, has Michelle Yeoh, Taiwan has Ang Lee and India has A.R Rahman.

Singapore has nothing ok maybe the ban on chewing gum.

To the left to the left

2009-04-27T23:51:00.003+08:00

I just dropped my bloody ibanking device. I hope it's mechanisms are still alive.

ibanking is troublesome. Let's face it, Singapore is annoying, too many passwords to remember, facebook, world of warcraft, garena, photobucket, flickr, msn, school email, even the bloody school website has tons of portals which again requires MORE passwords. I know its stupid, just set all the same password, but i do change my 'same' password.

As in i modify it and it has variations. And usernames are sometimes taken even if i keep my passwords constant. So i keep forgetting usernames and i have to create a new account with another new user name.

ibanking is just another one of the lot that we're gonna add in that list.

Anyway, its time for our long long extremely missed english lessons!

I found this online. I swear my barf reflexes are getting really jumpy.

'I love this new album, nt bad but you wore the white dress appeared on Campus Super Star which doesn't suited you at all, the dress is too short which shown you have a pair of fair, big & plump thighs n yr hair looked very messy, pls take note of yr image becos it is also very important beside singing well . Jia you !!'

Ok la, got that cheena word there...

Ok, i know that there's a chinese word, a supposedly chinese word there, but it's alright. Since it's so benevolent let's not attack it and leave it as it as.

After some calculations and balancing i managed to formulate...

I love this new album, it is not too bad. But the white dress you wore on Campus Superstar did not suit you at all. All it did was to emphasize on your then stumpy and pudgy thighs in addition to that your hair was messy. Do take note of your self-image because it is as vital as having an immaculate voice. Jia You.

This is on youtube. I know many people have full fucked language abilities but let's not be the masses and at least maintain palpable grammar in this dynasty of short-spelled words.

Like what... 'doesn't suited you' tsk tsk...

I Believe In Angels, Something Good In Everyone I See

2009-03-26T15:45:00.003+08:00

My fucking brother is an asshole. Discuss.

My fucking brother thinks it is my fault when his Internet lags. It is outrageous to be presumptuous when the size of his brain is astonishingly microscopic.

Since time immemorial my stupid brother has been starting to develop a penchant for noise and downloading them at exponential amounts rapidly. The downloading of noise is acceptable but not the blaring of noise.

I choose to sleep early and wake up early and I do not think this lifestyle is dramatically affecting anyone in my house. But no, my fucking brother just has to air his noise at an intolerable volume which subjects me to unnecessary torment.

Each time he becomes a felon I have to evanescent from the comfort of my bed and explain to the fucker that i am trying to get some sleep.

OK fine, the asshole will apologise and it is heartwarming is he somewhat matured enough to realise he is being a scorn upon the land but it gets old when he does not repent and continues to transgress me. Apologies do not mean anything if a person keeps repeating the same mistake, it is just cowardly.

He chooses to sleep late in the morning and expose his brain to radiation for an insane amount of time and I DO NOT encroach upon his decision, his choice nor his actions. I leave all well alone. Whenever the fucking asshole sleeps, HE DOES NOT NEED TO LEAVE THE SANCTITY OF HIS ROOM TO TELL SOMEONE THAT HE IS BEING DISTURBED AND BEING DEPRIVED OF SLEEP.

I rarely and close to NEVER do that to him. I NEVER disturb him when he sleeps unless urgent.

Everynight I tell that fucker at 12am that i am going to sleep. Sure, he lowers his volume but i have to toss and turn and start to let my imagination wander off, fearing if the little fucker will suddenly raise his volume and raise hell. Everynight I tell the fucker i go to sleep at 12 but the truth of the matter is that yours truly only peacefully enters slumberland at 2am. Thats two fucking hours of tossing and turning and worrying the shit out of me that there is some asshole 5 feet from my bed armed with a roller key that will proliferate the number of decibels in the air. I AM NOT IMPERVIOUS TO NOISE.

There is a miracle invention called EARPHONES. BLOODY USE THEM YOU FUCKED UP STUPID BROTHER.

And everynight under my breath I pray and wish for that idiot to somehow vanish from my life. Disappear and I am so willing to sunder ties with such an abominable person and when that happens, the only thing that will come to my mind in that flash when I learn of this asshole's disappearance from my life is I GET MY BEAUTY SLEEP BACK FOR ALL ETERNITY.

Everytime the asshole says he is staying over at a friends or his new brother, God seriously, I am bloody ecstatic beyond words because there is nothing to describe undisturbed sleep. And if you think pocketed coils from some mattress will give you perfect sleep, they need to make something like that self-attaches to your bed which will rain a volley of bullets upon speakers which produce unholy heaps of noise.

I imagine, if my fucked up brother is gone, i lay on my bed at 12 and i will start to sleep at 1230. But with that heathen around, I WILL SLEEP AT 0200. CAN ANYONE ELSE READING TOSS AND TURN FOR MORE THAN 1h30mins?

And when he announces that he is returning home, my heart sinks faster than a weight in the water.

Just evaporate from my life you useless fucker who only wakes up plays games and then goes back to sleep at eerie hours. Like some hibernating cave monster who happens to be an artisan at annoying people.

Seriously I don't give a fuck about sibling relationship and I will fucking sever it because he already did when close to a year ago he stopped caring about how well i sleep. If he cannot care for me, sorry, he can seriously go and die and make me think about how well i will sleep from that moment on.

Good night.

Joel is a victim. Agree.

Fuck you stupid brother.

You see i forgot if they're green or they're blue

2009-03-18T10:27:00.003+08:00

I rose out of bed yesterday feeling the usual stale morning sickness with an annoyingly preposterous amount of phlegm accumulated in mouth.

After freshening up and quelling reluctance to actually remain awake i staggered to my comp. I hit the power button and it lit up.

But the fucking keyboard and the mouse and the monitor didn't read. My fucking motherboard crashed.

And this is that same comp which we foolishly purchased at some shabby shop in kembangan for an exorbitant price. The parts were cheap and it was all in all a train wreck like a certain group of people I see roaming around in school.

So I called my dad, and i told him my weakling of a computer has retired and we have to get a new one.

Ok, so late that night after imbibing heaps of flour because stupid KFC chicken now is composed of more flour than flesh, my dad picked me up from the train station and we zipped off to the mall to look at comps.

And so we saw one, liked one, bought one, brought one home and within 9 hours of my comp's meltdown I got a new one up and running.

I feel so loved.

I love my new comp, i love my parents.

Just so I wont go without World Of Warcraft for more than 12 hours!!

I don't have an addiction problem much to popular belief, so there is no urgent need to repress my non-existent addiction.

Heart I am Trusting You

2009-03-04T00:43:00.002+08:00

"it was nothing but smiles galore from everyone. Brad and Angelina both were happy happy smiles when Jen was on stage and even laughed and applauded for her and Jack Black's presentation. Hey, they weren't nominated for Oscars for nothing."

And help us to be wise in times when we don't know

2009-02-19T22:29:00.002+08:00

Ooooooh, interesting news. Here's your decadent dosage of lunch gossip. For all the derailed minds out there like those who befriend to manipulate and milk and others who befriend or attempt to for sex.

I did considering reading a blog, actually I do. I mean I do read a blog, sit down with my fraternity group and discuss and scrutinize the fine print on the monitor. I bet it's more fun than picking up a skill, like say attempt to write/publish a book?

So anyway, I got side-lined here. I am having this major whoop ass project and my group is... honestly?

700% better than like anything i imagined.

The catch is I didn't get to work with my good friend. So i bet this is the part everyone wants to know as to why we did not even act on working together. So here's the thing, I hope you can understand if you're reading this. But the reason my good friend and I don't want to work together anymore it's because we... treasure our friendship. I hope the word friendship is not hard to understand because it totally differs from manipulation.

I know in school friendship is a rare commodity, you see morbid amalgamations of people grouping up to form a work group or some high school sobriety circle in order to use each other to jump start their career in the industry and it's funny because that's where the real lunch gossip lies.

I don't need a big group of train wrecks that bake failures. I just need or already have a comfortable circle that can sit down to enjoy 4 hour dinners and not measure maturity or likability by how much alcohol one can imbibe and how much sex one can talk about.

And so I seem pretty composed, so about my group? My apparent contentment pretty much sums it all up. Now go bring that back to the gossip group.

=)

Oh and the brother is... or has a girlfriend now just because he made her a lovely gift for valentines day which I so helped to paint and I am feeling so pompous that his success is associated with my help. Not to brag but it's like the first girlfriend thing my family ever had.

P.S Don't judge or infer anything from blog titles please, it's just the epitome of idiocy. Just listen to music. Emphasis on music.

I Believe In You

2009-02-14T14:25:00.002+08:00

Don't judge me for if you could live my life from the beginning you would regret that decision every bit of the way.

On a lighter note, it is Valentines Day, with the S. I suppose it's because it is celebrated by more than one person or shared with two or more parties, oooh mass orgies. Hence S for plural.

I know this is damn old but I am so in love with Il Divo. The way their voices meld together is astoundingly shattering. The zenith of their perfection is when they sing in the pop-ish voice and make the flash switch to the operatic force of nature.

Fucking gratifying I tell you. I think the soul of music lies in the vocals and not the thrashy noise projection from the clashing of scrap metal or the undying resonatation of an ensemble of cheap instruments.

Run

2009-02-01T18:13:00.002+08:00

I'll fry it one last time for you
Then you really need to go
You've been eating one last crab
Since yesterday

And i can barely picture you
And every single time I do
I know you'll slim down anyway
Somehow I think

Slim Down Slim down
As if you had no choice
Even if you cannot eat the puff
I'll be cutting fruit for you

Longer Longer
And you'll run more rounds today
I can barely speak I understand why i need to get a new bathroom scale

To think I might not eat pizza
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as i sprinkle the last cheese
I nearly cry

Light up Light up
As you must buy low fat
Even if you cannot eat Long John's
I'll bring apples for you dear

Longer Longer
The more you run you'll lose
I can hardly picture you in shorts
But you just have to lose those thighs

Oh oh oh. Oh the Fat fat fat.

Oh oh. fat fat fat.

Skipping ropes oh oh

Stroke.

Cycle Cycle
As you are damn heavy
Eat less eat less
You cant see your toes
You'll be breaking my new scale

More veg, less oil
And you'll lose weight faster
No more eating after 7
So you wont put on anymore weight.

I am 100kg now. Yay for Joel.

Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snow

2009-01-22T20:36:00.004+08:00

Lies the seed, that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose.

Westlife can do with more vibrato and their talent factor will rise to greater heights.

I lost my ipod. In school. I hope the fucker who stole it will die a terrible death, may he/she get pummeled by a falling pot, run over by an army tank, fly out of the bus window when it jam breaks, get struck by lightning twice and get his penis sawed off. If its a girl then may she just never be able to produce kids and have the bummest vag in the world.

Stupid fucking immoral people, first my wallet was lost and two weeks later no one claims to return it. Then my ipod is misplaced in school and no bloody prick bothers to heed the call of the holy light.

I am getting a new ipod and a small pouch for my belongings or a utility belt.

Should I get the ipod classic or touch? I am actually wondering... please comment with your suggestion.

Come closer there's a mosquito on your nose

2009-01-12T02:57:00.002+08:00

I know i don't indulge in emo.

But i guess i have to.

Sometimes we choose to invest in something highly volatile knowing it will might implode but we still go on venturing hoping somehow the impending disaster will be quelled. It's a risk.

Now that i think about it, nothing ventured nothing gained. So risks help us find gold. But failed attempts suck, but they suck for free.

That really hits the spot

2009-01-08T17:04:00.002+08:00

I am going back to my primal layout because I feel the vodka one has some issues that requires attention of some blog layout expert.

Oh and narcissism is incumbent because with my incessant self-blog visit, i have hit 2000 readers since i implemented the counter, i think i get like 20 people in a month and its always the same people, but i thank you for actually bothering about my life. Love.

Surprisingly I bet the people reading this are people I don't know too well and my friends can't be bothered and actually put their other friends blogs first. Well I guess shit happens. But i don't think i set out to be some blogging extraordinaire . So thank you for being nicer than my friends.

I am a lil apologetic for not knowing these people well because you seem to either bother too much so lunch gossip can spark off or you just think this blog is entertaining. If you think the latter ok i love you and i would like to know you if i can and if i can muster the force to jump into the fray. If you want lunch gossip, you still can get your lunch gossip. =)

Now I have some class that makes me create a blog, its on the same account so you can take a look if you want to.

Too lazy to click around?

http://www.letsgovegetariantosavetheenvironment.blogspot.com/

insanely long name but friend or Dion cordially suggested it because we were talking about one of his friends doing the exact same action that's named after my blog. Wheee.

Noob alert - i kinda learn how to blog properly with that Internet Research class.

Its Just Noise

2008-12-21T12:31:00.002+08:00

Hello you too

Hello Single Ladies

Hello fat girls who hate me for no reason

Hello smelly horny bitches

Hello to people who only know how to make use of others

Hello poseurs who act like they love clubbing

Hello friends who always have no money to hang out with me

Hello friends who always have other friends

My brother is officially stupid, or should I say, if he lives alone his house will stink and it shall crumble to the ground with all the fetid splendor. This may sound trivial but then, he seriously has no sense of family responsibility, in fact i am beginning to question as to whether responsibility even appears in his vocabulary. He eats food and doesn't even bother to cover it up nicely before storing it in the fridge. Oooooh and in all his wondrous imbecility he placed an open biscuit packet exposed to the harsh chilly dry winter of the antiquated fridge. Like left the fucking wrapper open and the cute little biscuits vulnerable. No sense of order or even neatness. Like hello stupid boy, wrap it up nicely, use a rubber band to bind the wrapper so the next time i want to have a snack I wont be mortified to see a emaciated dried up husk staring at me all because the severity of the lack of intelligence. And the asshole brother plays noise at three million decibels. NOISE, just random myriads of instruments resounding simultaneously.

And peer appraisal isn't supposed to be read, even if you are unhappy with what I write about you, wait, in the first place you were supposed to be matured enough not to read it, so if you hate me for speaking from the bottom of my heart then fine.

So don't hate me for no reason.

Oh oh, I probably shouldn't say this but at times I get so scared, when I think about how fucked up how people can be. Cause there's this girl who pretended to be my friend all the while, and obviously some people painted a picture of me playing the Grinch, all evil green and nasty. So when we were 'friends' and we hung out, she would be like whoa hyper and all bimbo-tic and glorious. And then suddenly after many months of self-delusion I find that she's intrinsically bound to the ranks of scum. Its like, what the fuck did i do to her? Lemme guess, hmmmm, steal her money? No. Steal her boyfriend, No? I don't even think a person of her putrid caliber can snag a boyfriend, even if she did, she didn't tell me she has one unlucky guy. Hmmm, Plagiarize her work? No, i never plagiarized work before and why would I choose hers when there are so many people more talented than her. Yes, I am bitter about this, extremely vindictive because I have been unjustly hated and stashed aside like rotten banana skin all because I probably don't have a skill for her to make use. Let me just encapsulate it all, I DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG, or anything i remember. So if i didn't kill anyone or steal, hmmm why do i get unbridled disdain raining down upon me?

But who cares.

Tomorrow it wont change

2008-11-02T14:45:00.000+08:00

I understand I have not blogged in eternity. But I have to let all of you know about this.

Pardon the crudeness of the content or any part thereof.

I am now doing a module about marketing for designers. Knowing that people with no apt for marketing, they tend to be dumb and designers unfortunately have no marketing attuned minds. So we do company research and…

MY GROUP MATE IRRITATES THE BLOODY DAYLIGHT OUT OF ME.

You know…

Disclaimer: The bitchiness content is alarmingly high, if you can endure cataclysmic amounts of bitchiness, then you are welcome to stay on this page.

Ok, you know… my group mate keeps asking me for my work because she claims my command of English far exceeds hers which is a stupid excuse because if she can get an exponentially higher GPA than I do, what shit man.

And you know? SHE SPAMS ME ON MSN MAN. She keeps asking for me work!! Not as if my work is very good leh, then has this innate lust to irritate the shit out of me. Then she sucks up to me and gets all politically correct, ‘Hello how is you? How’s your day?”

Thanks ah, if weren’t in the same class you think you would even bother to say such warming words to me meh? I also didn’t say my work very good, then must SPAM ME LEH.

SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM with all the horrendous greetings. The classic line was, “if lecturer talk and we don’t understand, can we ask you?” Ask me what to decipher his ramifications ah. HELLO, SINCE WHEN FROM STUDENT WAS I ELEVATED TO LECTURER, DON’T UNDERSTAND THEN PLEASE PLEASE FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THAT’S GOOD AND HOLY, ask the lecturer.

I swear man; the best was when I was doing my first 2 assignments late into the night, around 330 in the morning when I was doing my work, she SPAM ME AGAIN LEH, ask me to send her my work. It’s like I friggin owe her my life man.

*DIES*

So when I finished, I didn’t want to send, for fear she poaches my points and ideas so I went offline, TURNED OFF MY COMP, and went to sleep.

Then you know what, SHE CALLED ME LEH!

ON MY HANDPHONE.

And you know what……

SHE FRIGGIN ASK ME TO TURN ON MY COMP AGAIN AND SEND TO HER MY BLOODY PIECE OF WORK.

So I went online and I told another friend online.

Joel: “Hellooooooooo”

Friend: “huh? How come online again?”

Joel: “ok, let’s not ruin this moment on, ill let you guess.”

Friend: “Ok…”

Joel: “ 1) There’s a once in a lifetime in game event in WOW that is going to happen in 15 minutes time, players who attend the event will receive a surplus of gold, 5 free levels and exotic in-game items only exclusive to this event and 2 months free gaming time.

2) Julian Hee added me on MSN and stole my number from Facebook and wants to chat up.

3) ****** (name masked to protect identity) ASKED ME TO COME BACK ONLINE, TURN ON MY COMP AGAIN AND SEND TO HER MY ASSIGNMENT.

There are 6 people in the group you know, 6. S-I-X. Just ask one of them!

I am damn scared man, I do my work halfway, this chat window of imminent doom pops up.

“Hello how are you?”

“Can send me your work?”

OH MY GOD LAH, STRAIGHT AFTER GREETING POP THE QUESTION WITH SUCH PETRIFYING HASTE. Then when I don’t reply right, SHE SPAM NUDGE LEH.

ONE person can do this lehhhhhhhhh!! *DIES AGAIN*

Bizzare

2008-09-07T19:39:00.002+08:00

As a lay on my chair and remember how awesomely boring the weekend has been, something out of society norms befell me yesterday.

It all began when the crimson sun had set and most of the population had left their humble abodes for the noisy comfort of the shopping malls. I was alone in my room, seated with me was a board with letter keys affixed to it, manipulating a cursor over a screen, watching a graphical man slay monster after monster.

The clouds above began to rumble, began to growl, began to manifest. It was then shortly after the rain fell from the sky, crashing upon the black tar roads that was spread before my window. Staining them with the carbon footprint generated by the air-con loving divas. It was not soon before long that a friend was in dire straits or so.

Within the night, she came over to my house to find rest in the emerald city. I escorted her from the bus stand, followed the yellow brick road and lead her to my boisterous cavern. I sat her down with a glass of sky juice but she daintily requested for hot coca juice. Naturally I would abide in the presence of the crone of my home.

We sat down while my servitor prepared solid calories for her. Deeming me too pungent for the living room the crone sent me for a shower. A comfortable shower.

When I had been refreshed I brought down a shimmering flat round piece and slotted it into a contraption which caused the screen before her burst into life. We delighted in moving images for 40 minutes before it dawned on her that her pumpkin carriage would turn to dust.

Hastily I walked her to the bus stand with two huge ass umbrellas. At the bus stand I carefully place one umbrella on the ground while we hold the other one and hold conversation. She wants to take a cab, but no, the cabs don't stop.

So we watch helplessly as bus after bus zips pass the stand, the rain falling on the tar road at full pelt. Then a bus arrives, not her bus, we're still waiting for the damn cab. Alighting from the bus comes this old man. I am still in conversation with my companion when I turn around and see my first umbrella GONE. GONE BABY GONE.

Instinctively I turn around and see this man from without an umbrella he has progressed to having an umbrella. Like what the fuck man. He just swipes the shelter on a stick and walks away gleefully. So this what happens.

I shout, "Hey Oh My God, what the hell are you doing with my umbrella?"

Miraculously he can hear me, and miraculously he did not take flight. He stared at my blanked eyed and walked back to the stand, actually I WALKED OUT INTO THE FRIGGIN RAIN to retrieve the dispatched umbrella. And he has the gall to actually say...

"Sorry sorry (at least he apologizes profusely) I didn't know it was your's I thought it was stray and did'nt intend to let it go to waste."

Hell yeah right I believe you uncle. And he wasn't even an old demented dyslexic man he was like in his 50s?? Walk in the rain uncle, your generation was trained to do that. Silly answer too, but honest, honesty is always silly when you are caught in surprising situations. I can't digest that he actually had the audacity to pilfer right under my nose. I am bewildered... eclipsed there's actually someone who is more dumb than I am.

GYM

2008-08-26T20:25:00.002+08:00

I wanna eat some Old Chang Kee but they said No No No
Yes I know I'm fat but when I lose weight you won't know know know
I ain't got the time, even daddy thinks I'm fat
He's tried to make me go gym but I won't go go go

I rather be at home with food
I ain't got no forty days
Cause there's nothing
There's nothing I cant finish
That I can get from all you can eat buffets

Didn't run a lot in class
But I know I don't look like a bamboo

I wanna eat some Kentucky but they said No No No
Can't stop swallowing but when I lose weight you wont know know know
I ain't got the strength even daddy thinks I am fat
He's tried to make me lift weights but I won't go go go

The man said why you think you're fat
I said, I eat 12 pizzas
I am gonna I am gonna lose my pizza
So I always keep a chocolate near
He said I just think you're obese
Train me, yea baby and I'll loose

I wanna eat kinder bueno but they said No No No
Yes I 've got boobs but when lose them you will know know know
I ain't got the cash, I wanna try lipo
My daddy said use gym but I wont go go go

I don't ever wanna eat again
I just ooh, I just need a pill
I'm not gonna spend 10 weeks
Have everyone think I am on the fast

It's not just my thighs
It's just these pendulum arms

I'm craving for some cheesecake but I said No no no
Yes I know I'm fat but when I slim down you will know know know
I have found the time and even daddy thinks I'm fine
He's tried to train with me but I won't go go go.

7 Things

2008-08-22T23:47:00.003+08:00

I have a wish list. I am so not contented with my life therefore the dire need for these 7 things. When I looked around me and saw so many people faking their happiness my uni-brow shaved itself. Happiness is overrated that I assure you.

I should get down to business about the 7 things I want.

1) Miley Cirus' head. She's ugly, she can't sing like Celine, Mariah, Christina and Morissette. Her voice is like a kitten dying to give birth and take a detour into adulthood. She's hell ugly. Seriously, what kind of hell spawn can be let out in the open and bask in the shallowness of celebrity. She's freaking 16, she doesn't even know what office politics mean neither does she know what semi breve mean. Charice is the true talent, I bet Miley will just shrivel up when she hears Charice. Bye Miley.

2) Plastic Surgery. I swear my boobs are growing bigger every time I see them. I am blind chest down.

3) Plastic Surgery. A huge belly only looked good on Juno.

4) Underwear with built in air conditioning. It's friggin hot. Wear briefs and get the itch, it's like a beehive with bad rashes on your dick and feeling like that, won't you naturally scratch yourself silly in full display of public affection? Wear boxers and it will curl up your thigh, caress your balls, turn itself into briefs and make walking a nightmare. Trunks are too tight, men who use trunks as underwear can forget buying condoms. Save sex is perpetuated. And no, walking around with wedgie delight is not fun and games.

5) Flair. Grace. Panache. Elegance. Charm.

6) Sex. I need sex. My can is still unopened. Don't ask me to look into the mirror because even ugly Miley can have sex. At least a delicious French with a hot partner... Thats probably desperation rearing it's misguided head.

7) Get back to being a good christian boy. Come on, I need at least 1 pious wish to placate all the fuming prudes reading this right...

I'll be a fool for you

2008-08-13T20:31:00.002+08:00

Miley Cirus tops the chats with stupid songs, I bet that bimbo doesn't even know what a crotchet is.

An Open Letter to a friend who is so horrible at being a conversationalist and so dexterous at being a debate enthusiast.

Hello boy, I seriously cannot fathom why you love to fastidiously transmogrify every conversation at the dinner table into an argument, and to actually add salt to the ulcer you ardently want to clinch victory, every corner you turn you must find a slice of cheese. Hello, life is not like that if I were in the mood I am sorry but I would have to own your size zero ass because it is easy to turn the tides against your shallow arguments. Swim deeper boy, we are dolphins.

Alright fine, you don't like to indulge in the computer game my hopeless zombie of a brother is heavily addicted to but it don't give you grounds to insult it. Come clean shall we? Singapore will snow, it is because you are simply deplorable at the game. If you aren't even good at something isn't it obvious you will hate it as much as Paris Hilton hates prison life? So much for the simple life.

I am so not in praise of this vulnerable man. Even in MMORPGs, like hello, learn to be as independent as Singapore can be. Look, the merlion lives out of water and doesn't even complain, for a fish/beast (which is it?) out of water it sure fares better than you when you quest alone. Whoops, bitchy much. Even when you engage in meaningless endeavors there is no dire need to flare up into bestial vigor bent on forcing me to expunge all my loves and likes. What I like is what I like to do, what game I like to play does not have any impact on your life, you won't get a penny for every enemy i slay. Out of wavering goodwill I propose an invitation for you to be a small part of my life but you hastily bash it down, fine. I can live with it. Good intentions doesn't get good results. Learned that like a zillion times now.

A simple decent altruistic proposal and you manage to morph it into a bull fight. Well done boy, try The Arena where the little school kids spray their saliva out at each other. I swear the saliva spun could have been used to construct the Bird's Nest stadium for the China Beijing Olympics.

My stupid brother without a sense of family responsibility just brought food up to eat, pray the roaches infest his room and stuff themselves into his foul mouth. The maid heats up food for the screaming diva and he eats 7 hours later when the bread has collected enough dew for a cup of water.

Back to the friend, I despise your tenacity. What was supposedly a virtue has been tainted by your sinking moral compass. You arduously pursue petty matters, life loves you boy. I can't be bothered to actually lambast you because it'll just shatter our tenuous relationship.

Wow, its been long since i flexed my mind muscle, not that I have much.

You know, you do what you do best boy, fiercely fight for your win. Spin enough phlegm for bird's nest soup. Inflation is bad, save while you can. I'll just sit back and watch your face glisten in the moonlight as rainbows cast an iridescent glow on the eternal horizon. Cheers!

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Remember to speak with shadows on the wall, they can't hear you, you're sure to elude defeat.

DIE

2008-08-04T00:32:00.001+08:00

IAM GOING TO LOSE MY FUCKING MIND IF I SEE ANOTHER "WHY SO SERIOUS" ON MY MSN CONTACT LIST.

WATCH THE MOVIE AND QUOTE ANOTHER LINE.

POSEURS.

*DIES*

I Kill You

2008-08-02T20:21:00.002+08:00

Hello,

New game to play. It's called Shag, Shoot, Marry. It's a great game to actually self-evaluate your friends and judge them based on what you know about them so far. I love it. You can also find out who you actually love more. Whehehe.

So you want to know or you already know what the game is about. Firstly, pick three enemies, bitter enemies or permanent nemesis or pick three best friends forever or at least three acquaintances whom you feel you equally like all of them. But no, matter of fact, you like them on different levels.

Ok, say I have three enemies or people I don't like. Disclaimer: If your name starts with that letter it may be you but then again don't speculate too much because I don't like you and it shouldn't bother you in anyway because the disdain is probably mutual, and yes I have lots of free time to engage in such devious endeavors.

Once you got your three cards, you have to put yourself in a situation where you will have to marry one of them, fuck one of them and shoot/kill the last one. Wait, it doesn't get exciting until you actually consider who to kill, who to actually walk down the aisle with and who to blow. If it helps, play Unchained Melody in the background.

Ok, three people I seriously detest, so yeah no way i am gonna fuck one of them right? As much you wanna shoot all of them, its actually fun to think about who is worth it and who's gotta DIE DIE DIE. Best played with a friend who knows all three parties.

Why so stupid?

2008-07-26T14:26:00.003+08:00

Yes i know the late Heath Ledger's portrayal as The Joker in The Dark Knight is besotting but lately it has sparked off a very annoying trend.

Yes, deeply annoying, everyone is mimicking his line "Why so serious?". It is truly irritating because no one does it better than Heath Ledger, so beat it losers.

And for the poseurs out there, stop using it on your Msn screen name because I have a whole group of contacts with that as their initials. It's boring, unoriginal and silly. Please pick another line Heath used during the movie, if you were actually watching it.

I need to lose weight

2008-07-23T23:10:00.002+08:00

Oh sweet Jesus if You're reading keep me ever slim, or You can begin by making me slim.

There is a dire need for Joel to lose weight because 5 minutes before these words were typed he sat on his large computer chair and propelled himself forward to access the keyboard but due to his rolling weight he was thrust forward and his thunder thigh slammed into a pointed area on the table where the keyboard rests.

No he didn't bleed because of his exoskeleton but there is a scratch mark lost in the stretch marks. Joel has come to learn being fat has everything wrong. Firstly, when people hog the edge of a seat in the bus, you have to slam your butt into their faces and God bless you, you won't fart. I know people like that are being highly obnoxious and unethical but to present your anus straight in their face isn't really angelic either.

Today Joel was making his way to meet his friend so they could exit campus together when he was interrupted in his tracks by a hippo, the hulking girl exited the toilet and served better than those plastic roadblocks.

See, to avoid becoming a cosmetic abomination Joel has to become skinnier. No denying Joel is fat but Joel isn't fat to the brink of becoming an oil rig. Maybe it is self delusion because I swear the ground I jog on every alternate day has become lopsided. Beat it, for someone who can bitch about fat people I do something about my own weight lest I become a walking self-shooter. I managed to button my blazer, beat that again. I bet the hippo has to push, tuck, suck, pull, lift in order to pee or tie laces.

No names mentioned, if you felt offended you should learn to reconfigure the trigger on your conscience. No names mentioned either lest I receive unwarranted and unwanted lawyer letters.

A tour de force

2008-07-14T23:51:00.002+08:00

Hello Yos! Me no blog long time now. Me so emotional recently, me cannot think properly yos.

But my treasures, me discovered something recently yos. A riveting discovery of astounding magnitude. Me discover, a land of deplorable English and limitless car wax yos.

Me shave armpit yos.

Me only use name brand shavers yos, me no settle for plastic razors yos.

Me have been reading self-help books so me no become obnoxious self-assertive freak yos.

Me also use grade facial wash yos.

Me have manners, me reply to people if people greet me, me no ignore them, me not stupid, me not deaf, me not blind and me not dead yos.

Me trying not to be plastic yos, me no join lame worthless club to become popular yos. Being popular and being famous is different yos, but as long as me not NOTORIOUS me content.

Usually me no write gibberish because of me super intellect, but me chanced upon treasure that fried me braincells.

Me eat potato yos! Because me know rice is expensive now, me so smart yos!

Me know what grammar and tenses are yos.

So me readers no need to worry yos, me will become sane as quickly as possible yos.

Disclaimer: Viewer discretion is advised, the following content might be somewhat reminiscent to a brainless monkey you know personally and I strongly urge you to not only admire my boldness but bask in it and learn from it. Rated G. Stay real, greet people and don't scoff at questions which you don't know the answers to.

Signing off Yos!

Mistake

2008-06-14T23:58:00.004+08:00

Lately I sense, in school, that I might be just used. As a pawn to serve others unwillingly. I am not entirely stupid although I have already sank halfway into the trap. But I am going to be alert, I will not let people hurt me again.

It happened before, it will not happen again.

Sorry, I wont bestow upon that person undesirable titles like I usually do. Until I have my facts, I wont label people. Whoops.

I sense manipulation on the cards, no one will abuse my talents and use them for their own good and then leave me. Yes, I have a talent. Beat it.

Sigh, times is hard when you want to find a real friend.

Remember, the person you are ever close to recently can just become your mortal nightmare. Be vigilant, don't become like me.

Like a twit, fucked for the very first time

2008-05-30T02:55:00.001+08:00

EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT!

We interrupt your usual blog entry with gruesome sightings in cyber space.
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lyk wAtzXx WorXzd?
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If you could read that line chances are your brain has already been vanquished by malevolent forces that threaten the very foundation of online communication, language and intelligence.

It's a new rising evil, a new monster named Twit. Actually it's a language and like a virus infection it's highly contagious and spreads mostly to the dumb people with a fail on their O level cert.

It is common among Chinese people in Singapore and so far my sources have not proven that this virus infection runs rampant in other parts of Asian countries. Chinese people are advised to up their level of intelligence lest they succumb to this fatal plague. Those whose will is strong enough to resist such an abomination can help break this curse by imparting knowledge upon their lesser companions.

Those already infected and have been a carrier of this virus for the past year have no hopes as their craniums might have already been emptied clean. There is still hope if you read the previous paragraph.

This is a trying time my fellow friends and the war against Twit will not end for stupid people are an abundant commodity. They have dexterously mastered all forms of Twit and will at their behest try to imbue the virus onto unsuspecting neutrals.

Be warned, Twit is evident, Twit is treacherous and Twit is the mindless works of a mindless individual who cant spell or even understand the following news report.

Kill Command

2008-04-20T03:13:00.002+08:00

Hmmm good evening, or good morning.

I was contemplating over killing for money or being passive for love. Why such a deep and provocative topic, well that doesn't matter actually. With the clarity of intelligence I shall pose this question to everyone. Would you kill your friend for money's sake? I was looking through MSN nicknames and one of my friends had this. It kind of struck me considering we all are potential murders. Don't you agree?

Well it's pretty obvious with the facts I hate lowly gangsters and can't wait to bash their cold hard skulls into the soil and grind it to smithereens. Maybe even considering making a bone chained necklace to serve as an ornament to celebrate the virgin suicides.

Dang, my eye bags are heavy.

I am a lousy writer. Actually so i believe. But whatever, maybe because I am just very tired. So drowsy. Oh oh oh! The last time i used the word 'drowsy' on a friend he shrieked in terror and cried out, "Drowzy! You're not a pokemon are you?"

If anyone had a childhood they'll recall Drowzy the name of a Pokemon. But that was in primary school, so obviously people's vocab tends to be really broken and dilapidated. Mine just decayed over the months. But it doesnt shatter me, I believe what I am from what I think I am. I believe I am smart and fat hence the fact that I am smart and fat. My words are power. Thou shalt bow to the inevitable revelations of the Cartel Lord.

I still love bitching although I love to be the in-your-face kind. I don't like my manager, and its written on the wall the feeling's mutual. One thing I gotta admire is her professionalism. The waves of war are so avidly spread across the vastness of the eatery and yet we make no move against each other. But once we're outside the store we're like complete strangers. It pains me to conjure a smile to appease her, likewise for her. Bah, too lazy to continue blogging. A friend has just emerged from the wilderness back into my life so I am busy receiving her. Byebye.

2 In The Morning

2008-04-17T02:37:00.003+08:00

Hello,

I am still awake because I drank a bit too much coffee at work. Damn it, now I am wide awake like an owl except with no mice to catch. After all these years of assuming that I am immune against the side effects of coffee I have finally been proven otherwise. Now I pay the price of staying awake as much as i want to drift into sleep.

What has become worst is that i think the coffee overdose has induced in me the constant urge to barf although my stomach is growling like an aeroplane, so what am i supposed to barf out?

I don't think I am going to drink 2 shots of espresso again. Even if it is to practice making drinks at work, I'll just give them to a co-worker instead of consuming it lest i become an owl again. I hated coffee since the beginning of time. It's horrid bitter taste doesn't agree with my palate. And i don't know what impelled me to even drink it again, maybe because it was mixed with orgasmic chocolate sauce one gets disillusioned. Ok, from now on, I'll recycle the shot to weaken the caffeine and i'll use one shot less in my drinks, so i save on calories and I'll be able to enjoy coffee in a light manner. Coffee stains your teeth too, careful there, if you wanna be a hot model or super good looking, then i suggest cutting back on that caffeine infused drink because in my opinion, tooth bleaching is costly.

Ok, good night, I am going to make another attempt at sleeping.

From This Moment

2008-04-14T19:45:00.003+08:00

From this moment, life has begun. Ok, never mind. I am back again because boredom prevails. Throughout the day I have been allowing my mind to wander into random and disgusting thoughts.

Such is, drinking tap water. Isn't is a little weird that you drink tap water. I mean, I feel a bit nauseous just conceiving the thought of it being the same matter used to cushion the shit in the toilet bowl and the very thing that actually clears away the shit and most of all, comes in very very very close close close contact with the shit.

Eggs too, the thing is expelled from the chick through it's anus and shit comes from it's anus too, so aren't you as good as eating some shit molecules when you eat eggs? Because the egg shell is porous, so the shit particles can easily assimilate themselves through. Uh oh. No wonder eggs stink when cooked.

Anyway, I am so bored without my computer games I am about to wither and decompose into the earth. I was at a cyber cafe yesterday and these bloody chinese gangsters or the cheena gangsters all walk in and start spewing hokkien vulgarities in all octaves almost covering what Mariah can. *rolls eyes* They scream at the behest of their lungs and yell like their voices so desperately need to be heard. It was damn irritating, bloody cheena gangsters. They had dyed hair which is damn bloody typical, pimply face which is also very typical and their imperfections are only good for bringing me joy. They use their hokkien explicits so freely like water runneth through a ravine. Hokkien vulgarities are low class. Period.

Bloody cheap cheena ah bengs (gangster). And they like One Republic, *cringes then barfs* typical shit. And one of them even attempted a preposterous rendition of "Apologise", one of the most cliched songs of all time. Seriously, it's damn irritating, the song, the singing, the profanity and their pimply faces. Just ignites the urge to scrub their effulgent oil laden moon craters clean.

Die, you cheap cheena shit. I shalt grind thy bones into the depths of the dirt like ruins among the soil and dirt upon the desert. Pulverize, annihilate and obliterate.
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On the lighter side, some trivia or, one trivia for you lovely endearing readers. I bought this calender from Borders last year and it actually tells me when there will be a full moon. I think the calender is manufactured in America so therefore the information may be inaccurate due to the different time zones.

-Well it says that on the 20Th of April which is this coming Sunday, it will be a Full Moon. But I am not too sure about in Singapore if this calender is printed and tabulated in the USA. If it is, then most likely your full moon will be omnipresent all over Singapore on Saturday morning or probably before the 20th.
-Iam really bad at this time zone thing. But if you're really good at discerning the time zones than keep a look out and post on my tag box or email me your findings and answers ok? Because my calender reports full moons the whole year round.

Cheers!

4 In The Afternoon

2008-04-14T16:02:00.003+08:00

Ok, I am so bored. It's like 4 in the afternoon and I am using my spoon drowned in a cup of scalding water with a tea bag nicely floating in the middle. I am so bored I am actually using the spoon to prod the tea bag and it has began to rupture thus sending a beautiful explosion of mashed flower petals sinking slowly to the bottom of the cup where they congregate and i disperse with the swing of the spoon.

Ok, never mind about that. I am just bored and I have lost the zeal for blogging and reading and doing whatever I can do. It's almost i lost the will to live, but no i am not going to kill myself anytime now. It's too hot to exercise. Speaking of which I haven't been doing in like 3 millenniums which resulted in an additional 4kg to the overall weight.

Ok, something random. In case you don't know how to order a subway meal, i was just pondering over this serious issue because i used to work there and it's sad people stumble at the cashier when faced with a choice of upgrading to a set meal or chomping on the sandwich sans drinks and cookies/chips. For stupid people, a Subway Meal is the adding of the stipulated amount of money to the current amount of fortune spent stated on the poster to receive a drink and cookies in addition to the item purchased, which is most likely a sandwich. Get it? Dumb customers.

I don't see why we should soak ourselves in customers shoes, it is not fair to us, we are not maids, then again, i have nothing against maids because I've seen people treat their maids better than they treat service staff. It we can stop to deliberate over our feral behavior it reveals that service staff, are treated as good as slaves in the stone age. How many rich ass old fat ladies and men treat their maids with a golden spoon filled with caviar and a forked with wagyu beef on its ends while service staff have to endure their childish requests, stupid questions and senseless ramblings.

I don't like people who treat service staff with disdain, it is not always our fault, it is not right we sponge all the blame and it is not right for you to be a fuckface and unload the rage from your dad's spankings upon us. Customers should put themselves in our shoes, they earn like friggin 10 times more and they have the luxury of service, so they should be content and speak nicely. If they were to do our work, sweep the floor, clean counters, wipe spills and handle rudeness how will that feel? Stop and think, stop and feel, stop and realize, everything is spoon fed to you, it just takes 2 seconds to be nice to say thank you, to speak in a welcoming tone and not be a fuckface and frown, whine and hint. If you need something, ask NICELY and politely, please do not lament like a brainless moron and go 'hey? have they given you a plate?'

Yea, hey bitch, I don't care what you need, you can hint and I can just fucking stand there for eternity while you drown in your own irritating voice. I don't care, hinting is being rude, manners man, manners. Simple?

I admit, I hate customers simply because they have a problem being grateful and courteous. Just because you what, print money you can make me polish horse shoes?

And what's with picking fights with the staff, what? This isn't the Colosseum my boy, it's just a place of dining. If people make mistakes, then so be it, don't tell me boy, that you have never made a mistake in your whole life? Oh please, I implore thee, wise up and think about your actions. It's not about race or religion, it's about parental upbringing. And if you don't intend to patronize a restaurant again, keep it inside your tainted mind, there is absolutely no dire need for you to open a portal to unleash deplorable demeanor. It's very rude, I repeat, V-E-R-Y-R-U-D-E. Very juvenile.

Moving on... I greet people by Sir and Madam, but too bad, it only comes once. Once and that's it. I'll be nice, but once you turn nasty I am sorry for your poor upbringing. I don't get it, this new generation of kids are going to turn into retards simply because their parents cannot embody good values and instill them. And my sick new manager, sucks to them worse than the concubines of the medieval age which is probably the reason why it makes her just another 2 minutes away from a blowjob should she continue placating them.

It's 430 in the afternoon and my teabag has shattered causing a downpour of chamomile flowers to stir in the water. I am still bored but no, I don't need a blowjob nor will i take this out on unsuspecting polite service staff. I have issues but I won't take them out on service staff, unlike some people. *rolls eyes*

My stupid brother obviously just farted because suddenly my room is permeated with a sulphuric rotten egg smell equivalent to his all-day breath. And i thought he eats his own shit.

*purses lips in suspense as the toilet flush resounds in the distance*

Rage

2008-04-11T00:34:00.003+08:00

"Are you gay?"

Wow. I've heard that question many times now. To be completely transparent, I don't know because why do you want to know?

If you can provide enough grounds and reason to why you are being such a nosey asshole then I seriously do not mind disclosing personal information. Because if memory serves, when filling an application form I do not have to reveal my sexual orientation. And lovely readers, I won't tell you so you probably have to kill yourself with the suspense or start racking your grey matter for a reason to know. Because, I don't know you well, so I do not see any rationale behind telling you things. You know, you can fucking speculate but I won't say, because till I tell the truth all your words will be hollow lies.

Why do you have to know? Will it satisfy your soul? Do you thirst lustfully for secrets because in case you didn't know, I so fucking know you don't have a sister probably because you aren't smart enough nor are you driven enough and she's probably the coolest and the most honest person in your life. Facials at 12 midnight is seriously not cool.

I am not going to be sorry if i am at the other end of the spectrum because I don't give a fuck about you and I can't be bothered to like you. What's with the condescending tone in your phony American accent? And do you have to stuff each morbid sentence with "thank you"?

You know there is a world of difference between a sincere 'thank you' and a superficial 'thank you' and those words lose their potency when people like you give them away so carelessly. And even if they were once sincere, I don't care. It's written on the wall that we don't like each other, so what, that's the first step to reconciliation? Oh, I so damn appreciate the gesture.

So if you want it to be personal, bring it on bitch.

There's no need to stage a concise facade by fearing you may incur my wrath because if you even considered that, then anyone with a morally attuned mind would want to reconsider before treading. And maybe your parents needed to be around longer to affix your mind to the moral education book. When I heard your sob story, I had to pause for 2 seconds worth of sympathy before deciding you're not worth it. I rather you not talk to me than mispronounce my name. Thanks. And if you get it, very good. Your intellectual abilities have been catapulted to Mensa level.

Don't know, just speculating because, hey, if you can, well then so can I!

You know I see you suck up to the customers, induces the urge to barf. I tremble. If we are to put ourselves in the customer's shoes, well lady, we're humans, you can be a stepford wife yourself, I am no barbie.

The customers should put themselves in our shoes because good parental upbringing conforms us to the norm of being polite and not rude just because they think they have the upper hand. Honestly, I don't have to work, I can easily sit at home, draw monthly allowance from my parents and have the luxury of a maid. I can just sit at home and bask in my lavishly adorned hall while feasting my eyes on Desperate Housewives.

If you think I am like spoilt brat, fuck off because I probably can like do more housework than you.

Oh, good evening readers, Hello!

Are you having a good evening? How are you doing?

I am sorry but that's my new manager I am lambasting. Won't disclose details of my workplace including it's name. Won't disclose her name too. I still have a little bit of ethics while she is totally drained off. Sad to conclude.

Oh, keep guessing whether I am queer or straight or whatever. Just don't even let it cross your mind that I may be a zoophile, other than that you can just keep guessing and allow the compulsion to murder your rotting mind. *Malicious howl*

I'm Not Dead

2008-03-29T17:05:00.002+08:00

Hello ladies.

Today marks the day of Extreme Boredom while I take refuge in my little room. For those of you who dabble in the wonders of World Of Warcraft, I finally got my much anticipated Kara run and got 7 epics. Whoohoo.

Those jealous assholes or those with a huge ego may scoff but your shallowness doesn't really bother me. It's not as if you start at level 70 with your super gear. Everyone starts somewhere so stop thinking you're an elite player with those nice gear. If only for one day, childishness would suspend itself, then my school-course would be a much better place and the world would be overall a safe haven. But till then too bad, there will always be childish players and people around. Like what? Arguing with a lecturer is soooo the epitome of discipline? Making useless comments is like what? The peak of self-retarding?

And you think people actually grow up in tertiary school? Oh please. Its time to a big girl now people, and big girls mature. There are the occasional volatile bitches whose dirty pride scales the third rock from the sun.

Anyway, moving on. I have a new job where I no longer am underpaid, do more then i am supposed to and put up with a stupid asshole whom i thought was my best good friend. Doesn't matter anyway. So far, everything is moving along fine. No hiccups this holidays except feeling really bored because my computer is fried.

Some advice, if your computer is spoilt, do not send it to a repair shop or anything. The chances of you being cheated is on the higher side. The sad end of the spectrum. You should get a trusted friend or if it is like old, get a bloody new one.

And some whom naivete suits would wonder why.

Here's why, because if you have a good part in your computer, you also won't know right? Like me, I am a computer bimbo. Yes, bimbo, I am beautiful. So if you have this wonder part, the unscrupulous fellow may take your part and substitute it with another working part of lower grade and hence screw your computer. He will then take the coveted part and cash it in with the black market. I am not lying, such things happen a lot when people are childish and clouded with greed. He may also give you parts that are not branded, hence, not trusted. And the best part is, since you are a computer bimbo, you won't know. If you're a computer pro, then you would have fixed your own comp, so stop wondering.

It is better to trust a friend than someone dubious. Sure, the friend may betray you, then it's your problem for poor character judgement.

The world is one big fucking lie and the person you thought could be your friend was just another nonchalant dude. So, that's how life works. All good things would probably be your parents.

There is always a risk when it comes to computer repairs, so i rather you trust your friend. Try to make sure you are there as he services your computer even if it takes 3 millenniums. It is because you never know what goes on when you are not looking. It is not a sign you don't trust your friend. It is necessary precaution, and if your friend is particular then it's so obvious he's going to do something immoral. So if he has nothing to fear, why bother?

Don't always think you're a bad person, go easy on your conscience, if we look at it correctly, people who hurt us, did us wrong. If a person wants to get to know you, shouldn't the person let you get to know him? Something to ponder over eh.

With regards to computer issues, would like to thank my friend Boon for helping me inspect my fried comp. I sent it for repair and it became worse, I am a living prime example and I make sure I will sue the asshole till his bloody eye bags sink to Atlantis.

Something Special For Friends

2008-03-23T19:04:00.004+08:00

An excerpt from my project blog thanking all my friends. Don't be bored. Just read.

____________________________________________________________________

Suffice to say, these 2 months have been very grueling, painful, tormenting, fun, memorable and compelling.

I am glad that we actually had a video to present because some group didn't even have it rendered. *clears throat*. My group mates, Kez and Maj are my good friends and I've began to become closer to Maj then i had since last year at Video Fundamentals.

Iam relieved Natalya did her part.

Iam grateful to Maj because she put in a lot of effort and tried to salvage everything possible when we nearly broke down. Kez has been trying to be patient and she too, has done a considerable amount as we are handicapped.

On a personal level I did not do much work. But it matters not, it has come to a close and we're still going to be good friends. I am moving into the second year and it's been fun and sad to know one year has past. Along the way we have made many friends who i truly appreciate. I would like to thank all my friends. This is sappy but it doesn't matter. I'd like to thank a whole hell lot of people for making freshman year fun.

Dion, Clarissa, Andrea Lek, Boon Bin, Yvonne, Angie, Yuan Ming, Gina and Germaine, Kez, Maj, Jem, Mal, Gary, Raymond, Nafisah, Yi Chuin, Vivien, TY, Jake, Aaron, Candice, Jen, Sarah, Kirin, Rina, Wendy, Rachael and Raj.

I didn't miss out anyone. Confirmed.

Thank you Aaron for making my December holidays enjoyable and memorable.

Thank you Kez and Maj for making cooking at each other's places fun.

Thank you all for helping me with my work one way or another.

Thank you Raj for Photoshop.

Thank you Boon Bin for giving us a lot of tips.

Thank you Andrea for going with me to the special preview of Atonement, in doing so ensured the ticket didn't go to waste.

Thank you Dion and Kez for support during turbulent times, showing me that even though people can be unfeeling and cold, there are a minor few who comfort us with emotional comprehensiveness.

Thank you Dion and Aaron for being the first two friends in my class for 6 months, we had a lot of fun bitching during ComDI.

We have submitted our tape, our production package and everything that has to be done.

When You Wish Upon A Star

2008-03-11T01:40:00.005+08:00

Hello avid readers, I love you all. Sleep with angels with each passing sunset moments.

My diaphragm just survived Ewan Mcgregor and Nicole Kidman thus I bravely conclude I have enough talent to be a singer.

It has been fun but I lost my mobile phone. The sweetness was just with me on Friday but when I left for a meeting full of redundant mundane talk and senseless ramblings and unnecessary admonishments I found the phone in the voids of my airy jeans pockets. So I panicked. No i didn't, I just wanted a new phone. So i went back to the room where my slim piece of communication technology was last seen. Sans hand phone, but room of people who claimed they didn't see the battery operated composition of wiring encased within black plastic. Fine, I believe you, since you sat so near my station and claimed you saw nothing. Fine, I so so so believe you.

I am not devastated over the inconvenient loss, Ok i am because I had precious pictures in there. No, the pictures do not tell a tale of females displaying satisfaction and extreme gratification on their faces in the midst of a monty naked ex-Hong Kong celebrity.

The pictures I took with Julian Hee are gone, vanished, evaporated. I reel over this tragic loss. Now I'll never have my idol in pixels stored inside a boxed contraption. It has been a year since I first saw his sweet face. Adorned with the prestige of celebrity. With the panache and grace of a cascading waterfall. All nothing but an eternally blissful moment locked within the sanctums of memory.

I despair over this wrenching loss.

P.S I am an fledging writer, do give me tips if you somehow feel you have intellect that has a very low chance of surpassing mine. If not, continue to sleep with angels and wish upon floating stars that you were brighter.

Growing Fat

2008-02-26T11:15:00.003+08:00

Good morning environmentally unfriendly organisms inhabiting the tortured Earth.

I am a great contributor to global warming.

In the past year I have ate more than i should and hence gained 4 kilos.

All the oil i consumed, all the oil that could have been used for a greater cause.

PETA and Father Al Gore are probably going to nuke Singapore.

Singaporeans always asking for plastic bags, always with the air con on, always using excess oil to mutilate their food.

Ok, from now on, iam really going to follow my new year resolution.

I will lose 10 kg a week and 100 kg in a month.

Soaring and Breathing

2008-02-26T00:34:00.000+08:00

Tremble and despair mortals, doom has come to this world where I make my return to this forlorn blog after a long hiatus.

A lot and I mean heaps has happened. First off I'd like to tell people out there who still bother with this blog address, that if you ever think you trusted someone so much till the point that person could actually be a mirror whom you can find solid trust, then think again because no such person exists.

You can infer from the little things such as casual lies, intense name calling or put downs and even if they can charm your smelly socks off and still emanate a tiny aura of dubious background then don't venture in because the chances of you being hurt is fucking high. Every little thing they do, be it positive or negative, counts.

Believe me when friendship can hurt you as much as romance because they are the same with the exception the former does not come with sexual favors.

Things happen to us and it causes us to become stronger and to be clear about this, it has rendered my trust in people non-existent. People are not emotionless and things we do to them will have a toll on them.

Don't let the same sorrowful fate befall you my lovely reader, be careful
who you decide to trust. Don't be so ready to pour it all out, don't be so ready to show all your sides, even the emotional side. You can make friends, but do not disclose so much it gives them an edge over you. Giving without receiving is dumb because it makes you feel vulnerable. I shared so much, i talked so much but I never really knew the person deep down. Simply because I was going one way, as much as i wanted it to work, two hands are still needed to clap. Be very cautious when you confide.

When someone says count your blessings now before they're long gone, they know better and don't just guess you didn't know how. Because when they're long gone the memories are left and thankfully for me, since the situation changed to drastically, I managed to shut them away and they became figments of my imagination.

It's like that, I am not denying the world is all horrible, it's just that to find the soy bean in a pile of black beans is probably one to a million. Good people exist, if you aren't lucky to have them in your life, you cannot blame yourself because you didn't ask for it nor did you deserve it. You are who you are, and you are beautiful, if you cannot be accepted, it is never your wrong.

And The Oscar Goes To.....

2008-01-30T00:51:00.000+08:00

And so it is, the Oscars might be canceled due to the ongoing writers' strike. But the nominations are out and I hope it wont receive the same fate as the Golden Globes. The Grammys are still on. I just have no choice but to sort of predict who is going to bag that statuette, its kind of fun. But sorry, I dont have the mood to state why they will win...

Best Picture
Atonement
Juno
There Will Be Blood
No Country For Old Men
Michael Clayton

Lets see. Hmmm I predict Atonement will win, either that or No Country For Old Men. Juno is like just there to fill up the 5 spaces, though I know it is a nice movie. Next...

Best Actor
George Clooney in Michael Clayton
Viggo Mortensen in Eastern Promises
Tommy Lee Jones in In The Valley Of Elah
Johnny Depp in Sweeny Todd
Daniel-Day Lewis in There Will Be Blood

Lets analyze, I think either Johnny Depp or Daniel-Day Lewis will win. Daniel won the Golden Globes for Best Actor - Drama while Depp won the Golden Globe for Best Actor - Musical or Comedy. If I wanna put my finger on it, I think Daniel-Day Lewis.

Best Actress
Cate Blanchett in Elizabeth: The Golden Age
Julie Christie in Away From Her
Marion Cotillard in La Vie en Rose
Laura Linney in The Savages
Ellen Page in Juno

I didnt watch any of these movies but I think Ellen Page will win, she's young and she's quite a powerful actress, so the voters may like her style and decide to let her win. She was Shadowcat in X-men 3 by the way, the one who walked through walls.

Best Supporting Actor
Casey Affleck in The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
Javier Bardem in No Country For Old Men
Phillip Seymour Hoffman in Charlie Wilson's War
Hal Holbrook in Into The Wild
Tom Wilkinson in Michael Clayton

I seriously haven't watch any of these movies yet but I think Javier Bardem will win because its all over the magazines that they're predicting his win.

Best Supporting Actress
Tilda Swinton in Michael Clayton
Amy Ryan in Gone Baby Gone
Saoirse Ronan in Atonement
Cate Blanchett in I'm Not There
Ruby Dee in American Gangster

I vote Cate Blanchett and Saoirse Ronan.

Best Animated Feature
Ratatouille
Surf's Up
Persepolis

Ratatouille please please please.

BRUSHIE

2008-01-24T00:00:00.000+08:00

SOME FUCKER STOLE MY BRUSH. My lovely soft goat-hair brush.

I left all my art materials around my workspace and went for my lovely Atonement premier and when I return to school the next day with new bottles of paint ready to own the shit out of my work, MY BRUSH IS GONE AND MY OTHER BRUSHES ARE STREWN ALL OVER THE FLOOR. Seriously man, I had to bloody whine and it was not irritating. Imagine if you were in my shoes, more than 20 people in a studio doing their work, working in close proximity of immoral sluts/bastards/pricks/assholes/idiots/morons/bitches/whores. Take that crazy (refer to previous sentence for list of profanity so I don't have to retype).

SO, I used a small tiny tiny tiny little little little micro micro micro minuscule minuscule minuscule brush to paint in a 1m by 1m board. Very kind you little fucker. Its like so small like picking grass in a football field.

Ill make sure the asshole either grows a new pair of balls due to intense swelling or ill make sure his balls never see the light of day AGAIN.

or if its a her, i pray some1 will forcibly remove her cherry and leave her out to DIE. *howl of malice* **hits unknown thief on the head repeatedly with brick** ***Splashes white paint all over the work of that ninja***

Seriously, like a silent figure shaded against the moonlight creeping stealthily across wet rice paper, with silence meticulously observed and arms ever ready, with mind and will set and bound, casually removing brush from boy's workplace. And what does that make me? A VICTIM.

So I got smart, i brought home all my things. Even my big bottles of super expensive costly acrylic paint. Singaporeans are always looking for a free meal it scared the shit out of me.

So i play safe in case this happens...

"Eh I got no more paint leh, how how?"

"Shhhh, go look around and find find, people here left their stuff behind, go take some lor" (by take i think they mean steal)

"Eh! Good idea lah"

"Hey hey! There! You see! that fellow there, wah, big bottle of paint sia, you take a bit he also don't know"

Like fuck, my paint is not noodles at the buffet display, so sorry, i brought them home. AND MY BRUSH WAS CERTAINLY NOT UP FOR GRABS EITHER YOU LITTLE IMP.

Stuff my boogers into your mouth and make sure they stay in your system for the rest of your miserable, smelly life.

I Knew Better, Still You Said Forever

2008-01-21T22:08:00.000+08:00

I WEIN....WIN AGAIN!

The father is officially mad. Since I have been turning on both lights in my room he decided to dutifully lump a piece of tape at the switch to 'seal' the thing so that way, I'll only use one light and he will thus save electricity. I cannot wait to move out once I get enough money. Anyway for the past week shit has happened and I've learnt to deal with it as much as I am hurt and sad. But it's alright, I still care and I still trust because the happy memories linger. I was reminiscing with a friend the old days, actually not really old because it was only like 9 months ago when school just started and everyone was getting accustomed to each other and thus there is a stark difference between us then and now.

A lot has changed, casual betrayals, fragile relationships formed, stronger bonds forged, thoughts confided. People are thus, shit. But I believe there is good in everyone. Even though that good is not lavished upon me. Some things are just things we were not meant to have, even if we had it, we either lost it by own fault or change of hearts.

We have to prepare for the day when the person you thought so ever close to you will vanish. Its the brutal nature of people. Keep the memories.

Anyway, the crazy dad thing again.

2 minutes has elapsed because I was on the phone and I forgot what to say, oooooh well.

OOOOOH yea, I entered a SMS contest to try for a set of tickets to the gala premier of Atonement, the Keira Knightley one and the film that bagged Best Picture for Drama at the Golden Globes this year. Obviously I won, can tell from the tone above. Duh.

Searched for people to go with. Had a priority list. Have 2 tix and of course I'm giving it to a hot friend because I may rub shoulders with celebs and 2 uglys do not make a beautiful, so I need the hot friend to neutralize the ugliness my being will exude. Asked a few, my friends are all hot, don't mess around, so now you're gonna email me and ask me for their numbers or emails. Wheee.

Oh well. Some said No.

For the lovely faithful readers ( I know I don't have many, I cringe at the sight of twit-like, inferior, gangster-like blogs having many hits), sorry the bitchy-ness has reached a disappointing hiatus. Soon, when I get things settled out in the next module then maybe I'll be ok, or whatever good that happens that makes me less worn out from school and also whatever.

I pray to God, I tell Him to mend all things broken, to soften all hearts and to help things grow.

Been Lonely Since The Day You Went Away

2008-01-17T20:52:00.000+08:00

Call me crazy, call my blind, to still be suffering is stupid after all of this time.
So much I need to say.

Only IF He Is Worth It. He IS.

2008-01-13T00:07:00.000+08:00

Iam on the bus and i am really lonely, so therefore, i eat and listen to my ipod. GLOAT! I AM LONELY NOW (probably because of some hiatus).

Here, its 730, I am alone packing up my stuff and the studio is empty, and messy.

This is my work.
It's a Pearl Harbor movie poster, if you think you are very brilliant at Photoshop please email me your name and email so I can get you out to give me a complete tutorial.

I just had to add that white text to protect my work in case some lunatic reveres my work and uses it for his project.

Me bestie helped me with the work. My ex-school mate helped me too. I am so fortunate. Shiet, if I miraculously get an A or B I must buy them something nice. Seriously, they were helpful.

If on printing day this thing becomes pixelated, I will hang myself.

The father is watching illegal cable using my brother's and my comp and its inviting all the bloody viruses. I need to get rid of his stupid programme. Something wrong with my dad also, anyway it's not new. I was bringing out my lunch to my bestie's place and then he was like "You going to eat it or give your friend?" Like sick interrogation, the intention was to share but I had to hastily quash his thoughts by telling golden white lies.

Writer's Strike has caused Golden Globes to be canceled because apparently the Writers' Guild and the Actor's Guild ganged up and boycotted the event to support the writers against the alliance of film academies in which they are against. They even refused to waiver the strike for the Oscars according to Wiki, but for SAG (actor's guild) Awards, they will waiver because that's like their ally. The actors are supporting the writers because no writer, no acting, no job, no money, no posh lifestyle, no glam, no life.

The brother plays World Of Warcraft till like 6 in the morning and ends up waking up at like 5 in the evening with super bad breath. Pungent enough to flush out a volcanic eruption.

Letting go is hard to do and it really sucks to want to watch a movie and find that there is no one to go with.

It's Getting Late And Dark Outside

2008-01-10T23:02:00.000+08:00

I was watching and reading the news about old people becoming really old and feeble they will need special devices to aid them in the daily activities. It's a bit sad to see that they have to be reduced to such a pathetic sight.

I mean, imagine your pretty Patrick Dampsey, Jake Gyllenhaal, Milo Ventimiglia, your hunky Josh Duhamel, Jesse Metcalfe, your witty, piercing Jude Law,Clive Owen and Wentworth Miller all reduced to nothing but walking bone compositions playing extras in a zombie flick, I think by the time we get to that stage, Cher would have attained immortality as the queen of the dead and necromancy will be the most sought after form of demonology. I mean what? Feng shui = geomancy. Geomancy = Demonology. Period.

Skin chewed into bone, merged eye-lids that drip to the mouth and probably an amputate somewhere. We know Bon Jovi never ages so don't remind the men at 45.

But this just had to make me raise questions. So I had to ask mummy.

Me: Whoa, look mum, all these old people are very sad and frail they have to rely on newly crafted gadgets to carry out simple tasks such as eating.

Mum: hmmmm *nods head and looks at laptop screen*

Me: One day if you become old and feeble like that so much so you can't even lift a grain of sugar can I euthanize you?

Mum: *laughs* No! Thats murdering me! You can only do that when I am in coma and on life support, then you can do that!!

Me: Ok, how about I inflict a severe concussive blow upon you to make you enter 'life-support' mode then I'll pull the plug, k?

Mum: *laughs* *echoed by the brother's laughter* You are mean!!

Me: Ok, but we want to avoid that scenario whereby we are old, weak, feeble and most importantly, UGLY!! So i have a solution, when you feel the impending doomsday approaching, start adding a piece of lead into your morning cup of coffee as a bonus you will die beautiful and save your cheeks another 5 inch sag, they don't look like they can make the 20 inch-long stretch.

I ARE WEIN...WINNER, AGAIN

2008-01-09T17:28:00.000+08:00

Heh heh heh heh. I wrote a letter to 8-Days regarding how great a magazine they are and I won the Best Letter!! Wheeee

Although it's some weekly draw and many thousands of people will win, I still feel elated.

I won some skin care thing. Well I am glad and it only proves that I am smarter than other people ( aren't we all a tad sick of lowly vocabs, diminishing grammar and deviated tenses? ), wheee hehehehehe.

Like seriously, people who wallow in heavy gaming or excessive work or whatever should get a life, sit down and read a book.

If you sincerely have the brainpower to doubt my resounding victory then you can mail me or you can buy the magazine (Angelina Jolie on the cover) and throw darts at the letter. But whatever, buy the mag. (V^_^) Please??

Buy it?

Please?

Pretty please?

*frames magazine page on wall***

Disclaimer: I are not narcissistic nor do I have an ego that scales the deserts and swallows the seas, just excited and ecstatic this one in a million event has befallen me, but obviously I show it in a very eminent way, because I am your daddy!!! Except my dad is not smart, he doesn't want to lavish gifts on me.

Image:Canoeing.JPG - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

2008-01-09T00:52:00.000+08:00

Image:Canoeing.JPG - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Preppy meets Mod meets Chic

2008-01-07T23:53:00.000+08:00

Was at the art studio, feeling bored. Thank goodness company presented itself in a pretty woman. And so the fun begins! There was this pile of pictures of a model and she was, unique (can't find any other word). Then we had fun maxing and matching her look. She was like the Glamor Minah! Damn funny. So inspired by Glamor Minah, i decided to create my own Glamor Minah!!

Look, I wrapped her head in traditional meets little red riding hood.

She says she fat, her arms are flabby. Darling, if your arms are thick then my giant pendulums can send Dwayne Johnson to the Antarctica. Anyway I am going to call you the glamor minah from now on.

This is probably the first time I uploaded pictures, I found a way to do so at last. My brain just grew 10-fold.

3rd Jan 2008

2008-01-03T23:08:00.000+08:00

Last night was sleepless I think... Sometimes you set the alarm, it rings, you shut it up go back to bed and wonder why there's such thing as morning class. I try to place the phone a distance away and I find myself walking to the phone and shutting it up. Gets no where, alarms i tell you.

Anyway lets skip the part about school...

I planned to catch a movie with a friend and the journey there wasn't very satisfactory. I was clutching an A3 sized sketch book, my epic sacred tunic, an A4 sketch book and an annoying T-square. Its like 60 cm, so it kind of juts out like a sword that's ready to impale people.

Then in the train, this wire....weird guy canters in and then parks himself really close to me in the half empty carriage and gives me the heebie jeebies. He looked really weird too. Maybe he was astonishingly attracted to the little fragments of Christina Aguilera from the tiny speakers plugged into my ear canal either that or he had to count the amount of black heads and offer me a one stop solution to my tainted skin.

But it was awkward I was at the brink of going "Sir, I think the train is half empty so I am confident you can hold onto a pole in front of you instead of standing so close to me I am starting to ponder over which one of us forgot the deodorant."

When I realized it was me I was ready to gas attack that man and turn the whole train into walking cadavers. Seriously, he wasn't cognizant to his surroundings, my gas attack would have been appropriate.

Sometimes when you're gonna fart big one at the dinner table and there's no way of blocking the silo you just have to speak loudly or make some noise to obfuscate the torrid sound your ass makes. It saves you a lot of stares you won't really savor.

New Year Resolutions

(I know you don't care enough for me to really bother but it's nice to let people how awfully ambitious you are to the point you actually succeed in spiting them and making them feel inferior.)

1. LOSE WEIGHT (Lets be real, 10kg a week should be fine) fat/phat is a vulgarity, its called thick now, don't be so mean.

2. Make an effort to visit church 3 weeks in a row before going MIA for a week. (Sounds like the complete opposite of my current church attendance pattern)

3. Read my bible. (It's the good book, the vocab there also not bad)

4. Leave behind my insecurities and trust my friend. (You know he's a good person and Troy...Rome wasn't built in a day)

5.Help people without feeling eminent and braggy, just be nice. (It doesn't hurt right?)

Don't laugh at the first one, one day I really slim down, I'll stand up and punch you out.

There, done, laugh, when I accomplish these, nay, I am gonna be so nice I won't even remember you. The opposite of love is indifference, not hate.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2007!!!......8!!! *sheepish, sheepish, sheepish, embarrassed, embarrassed, embarrassed*

You Must Not Know Bout Me

2007-12-16T00:53:00.000+08:00

Hello friends and strangers! My name is Lindsay Lohan!

Ok, anyway, for many or some people who can't surf the internet as well as i do, here's the 50th Grammy Award Nomination list. The Oscars aren't out yet, thats so sad, I don't know about the Golden Globes, I haven't been at home I was at the friend's house, I like his house, the room is like the attic and so its secluded so there's privacy, unlike mine where everyone sleeps on the same floor so the parents can just come in and crash teenager's fun. Pisses me off.

But maybe because the parents are damn nosey. The dad is like High Interrogator, the brother camps just 2 steps away from my room door, in front of the computer screen till like what? 4 in the morning. So to have fun conversations you never want your family to hear much less siblings, you just have to live in the attic.

I watched Charmed, it was super nostalgic. But its quite, lame, because the endings are the same and the supporting cast doesn't stay intact therefore the storyline always like jumps the shark. NO wonder no Emmys. But somehow there's something charming about Charmed that I just want to watch it. Maybe because good show to pick up an American accent. The friend has the DVD and allowed me to stay over to watch, and he waited for me too. How nice. =)

I'm quite getting vexed over friends without money. It's so fucking hard to arrange a nice outing because all we do is wind up in some food court which is probably too noisy to start any conversation. And then we somehow end up going home. Very nice.

Iam having holidays now, it's slated to end in January, which sucks. But then rumor had it that the holidays would end in April instead.

Wow, and now what? Super nice extension? Pulses of excitement surging through my veins. But then again, don't be to sure you bitch boy, somehow it may be just some ghastly illusion meant to make you slow down your relaxation pace and in the end when you have not fully enjoyed, its back to slogging.

Trust is a good thing. Anyway I left the job, and I am not going back there anymore because when you think someone is your friend, especially when he's your superior, he suddenly rears his ugly head and chomps your's off. Treated me like some sponge to vent the anger. We used to be really good friends, but it was just a fading phantasm. We used to make sure we had our meals together so we could talk, laugh and have fun, even if a customer came in both of us would serve the person so we can finish our food together and have fun talking. But it was all short-lived. Everything is short-lived. Anyway he doesn't know he is the reason for my departure, so much for being friends.

Everything shattered, like beads falling from a broken necklace. "Good analogy" (^_^V)

I don't care who I may get to see again on the job, but I just cannot stand working with a prick who looks upon me as the Blame-Absorber X25D3 Prototype. Everything that goes wrong begins with me and ends with me. Prick of all pricks. Don of personified evil. Ace of cruelty. Malicious kingpin.

I am not content because people make use of me once they get to know more about me. I better adopt some defense mechanisms like some people, that way only a few will ever know the truth about me, people I trust. *Guffaws wildly*

I need a new job, this time I know! Don't make friends. Deception is brutal, no one ever denied that, backstabbing and cold disappearances are barbarically painful, no one denied that either.

I had a weird dream, I was lying on someone's chest and that felt like the zenith of happiness. Christmas is coming, I don't know what to get for the friends.

Do you like Josh Groban? Anyway, never look a gift horse in the mouth!

So I Say A Little Prayer

2007-12-11T15:30:00.000+08:00

For the first time in a long while I finally laid on my bed, pondering many things about friendship, I got insecure about who was really true to me. But then I decided to trust. What I needed was really a friend I could trust, love, play with and laugh with. I hope i do. But that's besides the point. I was broken, sad and defeated. First I got to know what some people were like, i got the truth hidden from me. Some people were hurtfully enigmatic, like the don of deceptions and hidden truths and unbreakable defense mechanisms. All I want to let people know is, I enjoy their friendship, I trust them, and all I want is their understanding, mutual trust and concern. I've got to stop being arrogant at times though.

Just like Jonathan was to David. I laid awake for a few minutes before my eyes shut into the oblivion. I was contemplating. In the midst of the insecurity and hurt, I surprisingly prayed to God. For the first time in a while. I just decided to seek shelter in God since man had failed me. All I want was a Jonathan (go read bible). Simple, I prayed for people I cared for. hoping they would find release in what encumbered them, I gave myself a chance to be a friend in prayer. And then I felt that I wasn't so useless, I could be there for them in spirit. And it felt good, the feeling of being crushed by the indifference of man just dissipated. It doesn't matter what I said, what secrets I've shared and calculating people's loyalty by the actions they do, it's about trust. I have to admit I calculated some people's loyalty by the actions they have done against what I have told them about me. But it doesn't matter anymore. I just trust them. It feels good.

I've never been in love, so I rely a lot on friendship, forgive me if I have ever gone too far. I love you.

I ARE WEIN... WINNER

2007-12-02T20:42:00.000+08:00

So local magazine 8-days has a flea market where celebs donate items to sell, and like triple OMG, my idol (Actor-Julian Hee, for previous posts about him, scroll) was selling a jacket!

So being very desperate I was like, frantically searching for friends to accompany. One of them was very nice to me, he said yes immediately. Then he got the dates confused and SMS me on Saturday morning, which is yesterday, 1 Dec 2007. He asked whether I was going to reach the meeting point. I told him its sunday, 2 Dec. And in the morning he SMS me again and asked me whether I still needed his help. Super nice right? But i wasn't very nice and i turned him down, because i got another friend to come with me and they never met, so i didn't want to be like let the friends clash, if i talk to one, the other will be left out. But ya, I am sorry. You're nice. =)

So i reached the place like some desperate person at 10 in the morning met my friend and headed to the venue. The event started at 11 and I was super early! Desperate causes calls for desperate measures. I surveyed the area with eagle eyes and could not find what i wanted so we took a seat and chatted until 1045. I intended to return to the event center at 1055, but the friend was quite enthusiastic. Yippee.

The sales start, i run around from car boot to car boot (car boots are the stalls, the items are inside) searching for the epic tunic. I pass this car boot and somehow i was not really convinced it'll house the gold, so i just glanced through and somehow I turned back and went to the boot and lo and behold, the coveted item, laid there, waiting for my gleaming eyes. I ARE A WEIN..WINNER! I SNAGGED THE ONLY ITEM HEE WAS SELLING. BEAT OTHER CRAZY ASS FEMALE FANS.

The sun was terrible, my friend, she got tired, so we took a seat at the back of the market and when we left the area around 1140 I saw a huge crowd of girls around the car boot which once housed the jacket. HAHA!

It's perfect fit, but i still gotta lose pound.

The night before i was worried about the price so in my state of paranoia i like withdrew 200 worth of cash from my bank account, the thing was only 50. I was like =.=''.

The girls were like so distraught, I bet if they got it they were gonna cut it up and distribute among the fan club. BUT NO. I DON'T SHARE.

Sorry, i like my clothes perfect fit and unwashed for all eternity. The not washing is some grossly nice idea from Mallory, she fed me the idea, i just went along. HAHA.

I have a piece of my idol. I am like freaking lucky when i think about it, because got crazy girls. I thought there was gonna be a line up of girls in the area waiting before me, for the flea market to commence. So its either 1140 was too late for them, or they underestimated me. THE ULTIMATE CRAZY FAN. What to do? He was the first celeb who autographed for me. HAHA!

I am the lucky one you poor little girls. I read some blogs, they sounded a little sad. OUCH!!! BUT I DON'T CARE! HAHA!

I'll keep a part of you with me, and everywhere I am,
There You'll Be

<(^_^V)>

Postscript/Disclaimer: Those who sincerely have the brainpower to doubt my victory can drop mail and I will take a picture and publish it all over your ass, I can do spam mail too you know?

The Blower's Daughter

2007-12-01T23:08:00.000+08:00

The title sounds wrong. Not my fault, I didn't name and compose it. I just listened to it.

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her skies

I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you...
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

I love this song. Somehow when I listen to it or something and when I really sit down and think what encapsulates me or what I am or what makes me. Somehow, there's this deep emptiness that just overwhelms me. I don't trust too little people, I like two someones at the same time but I don't love me. It feels like out in the open, alone. alone. alone. I am nothing inside. I live day by day without any purpose. I laugh, i talk, i smile, i have fun. But the feeling sometimes creeps in at night. Yet I know that slitting the wrists or wearing eye shadow is not the way. Because true emotions are in the eyes, in the soul. I have emotions, but I can't feel anything. A friend can die, I can cry. But somehow life is so much bigger, its not about the GPA or the money. I don't know even. It seems like my world now is around those two I like, but I dare not confess.

Actually, maybe till I find somebody new then I can restart or whatever.

Wire... Weird Day

2007-11-28T22:09:00.000+08:00

I must be losing my sense of spelling, I think my vocab bank is somehow getting endless word withdrawals and zero deposits, I am entering deficit mode and I don't think its writers block. I've made friends with a walking dictionary, but somehow maybe the brain cannot assimilate anymore worlds, so hence the limited vocab.

Oh dear.

What a weird day at work today. Well it starts off as usual with the unlocking of the alfresco area's chairs and taking out meat and vegetables and stuff people do at Subway when they open the store. The store was quiet until around 1045 when the first weird encounter was encountered.

This insanely old looking old woman strolls in and then points to some random super fresh looking picture of a Veggie only salad. So out of the super good service movement I ask the crone what she wants.

"Hi Maam"

"Hi, just checking with you ah, is that the veggie delight salad?"

"Where? Which one?"

*Points vaguely at the board above* "That one"

*Finally understanding* "Oh yes, thats Veggie Delight salad, only vegetables, no meat, just vegetables and cheese, if you love cheese like me"

"Can I only choose those vegetables on the picture?" *Lettuce and tomatoes only*

"NO, you can choose everything we have here maam"

*Looks clueless and stares at the vegetables on display then points at lettuce* "Is this where the green from that picture comes from??"

Okaaay

She says thank you and hurries out of the store. I don't think I was awake at that time.

Oh oh, before that, when I was unlocking the alfresco dining tables another woman came up to me.

"Excuse me, I ask you ar, is the parking here free? Or must pay?"

HELLO! DO I IN ANY WAY WITH JEANS, NIKE T-SHIRT CLUTCHING A SET OF KEYS IN MY HANDS, LOOK LIKE A PARKING ATTENDANT TO YOU? DO I EVEN LOOK LIKE I HAVE THE AGE AND WEALTH TO OWN A CAR?

I am just an innocent teen, leave me alone, don't touch me! *stifled sobs*

Then, moving on. All was calm. Suddenly out of the horizon's horizon these 2 fat oily old greasy slippery old men just pop into sight, topless and basically cantered past my store. I was like "salvation isn't here! HIDE!"

As they made their way past the store all those ounces of blubber and butter encased within their leathery carapace vibrated, jumped, jiggled and humped. There were two ogres, oh the pain. My innocent young eyes subjected to such an abominable sight, priceless. The scorn within my withering iris and dented retina, it was almost the image reflecting within my eye, even falling on the blind spot brings sight. GAaaaaaahhh. *Holds throat, gurgles, spills blood from mouth, kneels down and falls with a mighty thud, blood spilled over the floor*

I am like "Get a shirt Brad Pitt" or Mark Wahlberg or Matt Damon or who ever has those formidable abs of steel and not bags of veal.

Moving on. Next we had this little imp prancing around the stall and yelling at the top of his lungs. It was like kingdom come. The thing just kept squealing and screeching and screaming. I looked out at the beach and thankfully no tsunami was on its way. Like that thing can ward off 10 tsunamis, 3 Katrinas, 7 El Ninos, 5 Titanics, 1 million Oscar awards and still have the will power to send the devil back to his hellhole. Oh gosh. Arrrrrhhhhh.

The dad stares at me wearing the most sheepish look you can ever see. You could have adverted such an off-pitched disaster if before it's time, you decided to wear that strawberry flavored lubricated piece of ever growing rubber in the wake of your vigorous bestial wrath a few years back. Then I would still be able to hear Careless Whisper in my ipod.

SHIT

2007-11-27T16:59:00.000+08:00

Shit. Sunday. 2 Dec 2007. St James Power Station. 8-Days Flea market. Shit!

No one to go with me, oh damn. Like seriously, this sucks.

Celebs selling their stuff at the fair. Shieet.

Someone's selling a jacket. Shieet.

No one to go with me.

Shieet.

Shit.
SHIT.

T.T

Falling From Grace

2007-11-25T11:24:00.000+08:00

I went skating, some fucking stupid cyclists just suddenly appear behind me and friend.
Wanted to avoid them, made a desperate turn with hands swinging wildly.
Accidentally hit friend using elbow, very painful. Bloody cyclists didn't apologize.
Stupid fuckers.

Skated back to starting point, went a little to fast for a newbie.
Fall forward. Yelled friend's name. Fell. Knee down, scraped knee and hands on floor, kissed floor.
Jeans got torn. Jeans looks cool now. Friend helped me up.
Helped me gently to get back to the rental store.
Everyone who saw the great fall did not stopped to help.
Very stereotypical Singaporeans.
Only the friend helped.

Moving On

2007-11-21T00:50:00.000+08:00

It was class gathering. Or should I say the fellowship of the Chinese Clique. It sounds racist but I assure all prudish Singaporeans it is not. It was awkward at the beginning. Some one who has made a irreversible change in my life made a silent cameo. I cannot tell you what it did to change me, but it was not a good thing. If you think my friend will betray me and tell you what it did then go ask him, you may get answers, but then again, I am not too sure either. Uh oh, very insecure.

Ok, never mind, but to get back at your past adversaries is to show them how fucking well you are doing right now, the high life or the so-called. Christina Aguilera got back at a bully in the best way. When she earned enough money to buy a Mercedes she drove the baby to the Macdonalds where the girl worked and parked it right on the girl's shattered ego.

I was contemplating death. How do we all want to die? Is death like a come and go? Does your life really flash before you? Do we want spiritual comfort on our death bed? Well, for one, Iam not afraid to die because I believe in God, and somehow I find immense comfort in that. How I would want to die? Not in the sleep, that's terrifying because I never know which entry to slumber land would be the one way trip.

I want to transcend into the spiritual plane by a volley of bullets rushing through my innards, rupturing my insides and sending me in a crescendo crash to the floor, lying on the ground, the last ounce of life lingering within my torn body, quivering hands, drenched in the liquid that circulated life. My eyes close as I fade away from the material realm.

Then a holy aura emanates and surrounds me, lifting me up, my spirit soars above the eagles. Clarity, Peace, Serenity. (Please don't say "I hope you know I hope you know").

I can see clearly now
The rain has come
As it cascades down fallen scattered pebbles
Into the Earth
Cleansing the taint
Renewing life
Restoring faith and hope

A rainbow lights the sky bringing forth
A surging wave of tranquility
As the dew evaporates
Punctuating the clouds with melodies of the heavens
Angels singing soprano
Reminiscing about children
Running around in meadows
Chasing fun being free
Brushing flowers, raining pollen
Bringing color to the wind

As my body floats towards the unknown
Waves of light circling me
A veil conceals my delicate form
The sweetness of the rays
The confusion stirring within me
Existence soon comes to meaning
A cherry blossom whirlwind unfolds within me
With slow splendor grandeur
The twister disperses
And with gentle assurances
An angel is formed

A mangled corpse
Lying motionless in the still of the sun's absence,
In a forlorn ravine
Awaiting discovery

voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir?

So Dumb

2007-11-17T21:55:00.000+08:00

"I don't like the band because their songs are all over the damn radio, so mainstream"

"You call this rock? Please, they are pop, they are freaking mainstream."

Sound like that? Maybe my dentist can help you extract your old brain and apply some dental stuff to replace it, it'll probably work better than your redundant piece of grey matter which I can actually imbibe to inherit all your useful intelligence. Now I am not into band music, and I have learnt to respect band music. All because I have a friend who cannot help but blast his band music almost 80% of the time. So my ears are seasoned and my mind is opened. Just what the hell is mainstream?

Well according to some people it is songs you hear on the radio, songs that weren't on the radio when you heard it. I don't know where you can actually hear music other than the radio and CD. Like a band you adore isn't adored by the main population simply because they do not know of its meagre existence and you do, and some people do and therefore it is like some secret underground music. Ooh, top secret, classified. And then the band suddenly attains global popularity and their songs start hitting the airwaves and splashed all over Youtube and MTV and whatever. Many people know about it, many people actually fall in love with the music, and the radio keeps playing it and it reaches out to alot more deprived snails under the rock and then the cicle goes on and on until it actually hits me and I know the band exist but I do not fall in love with the music. But I do not look at it with disdain.

And when the band somehow goes mainstream or becomes accepted by those living under rocks, people express obsolete unhappiness over the band's promotion.

I mean its not their fault they became famous and garnered more fans right? So who the fuck are these people to like say "eeeee i dun like this band, too mainstream".

Hello, Earth to dumbos Earth to dumbos sooner or later, if that band produces good music, people will get attracted to it, listen to it, recomend it and then it will appear all over radio. So its a little fucked up to say mainstream bands are stupid.

Mainstream bands work hard.

If you want your oh-so-holy secluded music then go make your own music and never tell anyone living under a rock.

_______________________________________________________________

Next up are people who have shit for brains and probably no conscience. A friend told me someone said he had "a face only his mother could love".

When I heard this I was seriously seriously like, WHAT THE FUCK?!

Who can be so insensitive and say such hurtful words? If you aren't the epitome of beauty then please don't pass such comments about people. Seriously, what kind of chemical reactions are going on in that tainted mind of your's, so much so you hurt people. People can be not very good looking, but if they have character then I don't see why we can bring ourselves to say such things. What? You have the mentality of an unborn child?

Grow up, and when you do count the number of friends you have, don't even bother about your sexual orientation. Just count the friends.

Again

2007-10-27T07:56:00.000+08:00

In the past I was seriously mindful of what people would have done to me when they made horrible mistakes and I adamantly corrected them in their faces, now Iam not so afraid. Remember the bad msn nick names? Msn nick names and personal messages always changes, that's the good news. It means more mistakes, more humorous mistakes. Don't be such a bitch to be dying to find out what I fished out, whoops, did I call you a bitch? Oh dear my mistake, the irony.

"Little devil that crys."
"When will optimoo prime meets ultra milknus"
"life really bored"

Sigh, only 3. Life's really boring and I'm about to cry.

Quick! Send in corrected sentences and stand a chance to win unsurpassed and untapped intelligence. Any one in dire need of lessons? I got a very smart protege.

Must I really add comments to those bad nicknames just to invoke laughter in you? Aren't they funny by itself? I am sorry, its in the morning and my word bank isn't open yet.

Oh yea, for Singaporeans, you can actually hit a bookstore near you and purchase this holy grail titled "English as it is broken" to help un-break whatever you think is not broken. SO enough lying in bed at night deceiving yourself that you are good, some people from China can speak better than me. Anyway whoever said I was good?

Red

2007-10-25T23:35:00.000+08:00

I have been around lately, of course I don't just sit at home and delight in computer games although I have to confess I do alot of that at night. That's because I have company, don't be so jealous all the voices are talking to me and not you. I seriously think I have to do something about my fashion sense at my lower body. Jeans are very boring and boring and boring and did I mention boring?

I was at my school's print shop and I was really amazed to finally see a holy sign erected at it's door. It said that during peak hours or submission days, priority would be given to Design school students and that the other people would have to wait a few hours or days. Cool. Justice has come. But nevertheless it was still punctuated with Design students so I had to go somewhere else and I saw someone with excellent fashion sense.

His bottom was wrapped with neutral red denim pants while he decked his torso with a similar shade of red, separating the two identical colors was a belt. I forgot the color. And for arm candy he held on his wrist a medium sized leather hand bag. Thankfully he wasn't fat or it'll be a nightmare evoking sight. He made red denim pants so hot I think I am gonna try that when my thunder thighs become drizzle thighs. Maybe I should get red highlights too at my fringe after i shape it at a stylist. Throw on a silk scarf and cool dark shades and whooooo, good things will come for girls who wait. The emperor's regalia. Don't forget the huge ass buckle on a belt that can contrast the 2 similar colors sandwiching. But a satchel bag would tarnish, I'd still go for the leather handbag held by fist close to brushing the floor or sans arm accessory. The look would be complete.

Warning : This look is not suitable for the vertically challenged. Kiss goodbye to it if you are shorter than me or have a waistline that is 3 times as small as mine. Iam a 36. I wont reveal my boob and butt measurement, sorry.

Beautiful Language

2007-10-10T20:06:00.000+08:00

My life is a little bit boring. Silence engulfs. I do not download movies. The world is not flat. I do not really get angry at myself for my incompetence. Some of you might be wondering what am I trying to say. Well, do these sentences sound correct in the eyes of your declining level of English? They are by the way, I am not going to relive the days where I type countless number of fullstops and decorate my words with mass amounts of "x" or "z".

With Desperate Housewives not airing on local TV yet ( I don't have cable), I needed something to make me laugh and bring some color to my otherwise mundane life. I was so hard up for comic relief that I decided to hunt for people who can give Marc Cherry a run for his money.

When you see people make grammatical errors it can be really funny. I love it, because it makes me laugh my guts out. Don't eviscerate me because you cannot construct proper sentences. For those low class, high crass ones who misspell words on purpose and take the time to use upper case in the middle of a word, I got nothing more to say. Singapore's education system is such that a young person has to go through a six year mandatory primary education course. So, you must be dying to know what I did to sate my hunger for laughter. I looked through my msn contacts and fished out deplorable screen names and personal messages.

Disclaimer: The following is an extract of their annoyingly long nick names. If you want their email address you have to email me, I will ask them and then you can knock yourself out if they give the green light. This post is probably too complex for them to know I am berating them. If you want the corrected version because you are mature enough to learn then you can email me too. I will consult my protege and get back to you.

Ladies and Gentlemen I proudly present : These Words ( I hate you )

1) "if the world is flat, then we are the ones leaving on the edge"
2) "different lifes"
3) "downloading movie in school is legal"
4) "when will i ever had the chance to see u again?"
5) "Getting piss off with myself for the incapability to do things in the right way."

My eyes, it burns it burns! Save me mortals, buck up on your language skills. I can be more bitchy, I can give my take on each individual error. Maybe I should do just that.

1) "if the world is flat, then we are the ones leaving on the edge" - Not me man, I want to live in the middle.
2) "different lifes" - I spell checked and this one came up wrong. *shudders*
3) "downloading movie in school is legal" - If it is legal, why download only one? I'd download the whole cinema.
4) "when will i ever had the chance to see u again?" - You'll have your chance, Not.
5) "Getting piss off with myself for the incapability to do things in the right way." - Good attempt to use a big word, but make sure it is not too big that you trip over it.

And that concludes our demonstration, any questions?

This Is My Now

2007-10-07T22:11:00.000+08:00

WAKE UP CALL!

Lets not dwell in unhappy pasts and work on whats installed in the future. Right now all I really need are good friends who make me smile, lots of faith and lots of prayer and of course, if it can happen, friends who can go running with me. The last one is gonna be rare and hard to find. Uh oh.

Considering what i have been feeling about certain things regarding school, I have realised that although Iam not so smart or creative, there is something Iam doing right now that is pertaining to my future, be it my crazy singing when the family is asleep or watching movies. Thanks for all your concern and ''concern''. If my short comings provided entertaining news to you and gave you opportunities to be an MSN/SMS hypocrite ("are you ok?", "hey you fine?") then that's bad because the moment is gone. For those who really bothered to call (voice, its audio, not text, a lot of difference FYI) and ask me out to help me relax and laugh then, Thank You. Though I may not make it big in life I will still remember you when I recollect my past and I will mention you lovelies when I share moral education stories with the grand kids.

Some people were really nice to me, I have to use 'some' to make it sound like a lot of people genuinely cared because matter of fact, only 2 to 3 cared and I don't really want you to know that I am not so well liked and important to people. So...

A friend called me up and we spoke for quite awhile, even though I was plunged to ground zero I managed to end the conversation with a smile. It felt good. Thank you! Sorry sister I don't want to mention your name because you may become too big for your head and most people probably won't know you.

The Academy Awards for Best Supporting Homosapien

Goes to you darling (delete that gay message from your phone, the one I sent out of mischief, Now). Why do you win?

Because you held my hand and watched me home, I know. Why you gave me that kiss it was something like this and made me go "oh oh". You watched my tears got rid of all my fears.

But...

seriously, i tink im falling 4 u, hais.

Ok, that was uncomfortable. I enjoyed myself, first a friend calls me and cheers me up greatly and then another one comes visit me at work because I send a distress signal about a girl who works with a meter bar that climbs when she does work, once it hits the top, she turns off like a machine, goes through metamorphosis to become an over bearing commander and pisses people around her. Thing for you lady, girls and boys are about the same except of the twin colossal we have in reverse polarity of placement on our bodies. So since Iam being paid the same amount as you, WE, emphasis on WE, do work. It doesn't matter who does more because there is no 'I' in a team. If Iam skiving then its my problem, I will face the consequences, not you. So don't try to be so self-righteous. And you're lucky Iam not calling you a bitch. Because you aren't, yet.

Then my friend comes over and waits for eternity for me to knock off. Sorry I ended 1 hour late, had to wait for next shift. We go off to wallow in cyber gamming in a vault full of zombies in front of a box. We have so much fun and I end the day wondering why it is wrong to relinquish a discounted movie ticket to go home and bake a cake for a man who has watched me grow through my teenage years. Although the response was a bit, Ok ok, was very disappointing. All kind of ignored me, usually when I bake 'something', it'll be critically received and I'll be showered with rave reviews regarding my limited culinary skills. Was a bit, aaah ok fine, very passive but it was still wolfed down in waning enthusiasm or sans enthusiasm, let me deliberate...

By the way, it ended with the 3 fullstops but just to have some post script, I think the 'concerned' hypocrites who used my situation as headlines news or entertainment news are total assholes. Grow up and give my regards to h***. NC16.

Not Ready To Make Nice

2007-10-05T20:36:00.000+08:00

Sometimes when we fall we just have to pick ourselves up. Its hard to face the fucking results I had obtained but I cannot change it. It still hurts when I think about it and when I see people around flying like little cockroaches worthy of my clobbering. But jealousy aside, I need to buck up and set me own targets and achieve grades within my own limited intelligence. I have lost alot of faith in the saying about God honoring my effort and He was reward so long as I bother to work for it. Yah, to be honest it can be frustrating.

3 months ago I was so ignited to change my unhealthy lifestyle. I like jogged and basically lived healthy to lose off my pound. But nothing changed, I was still as I was 2 years ago, my thighs can send my scrawniest friend to Redang Island and my moobs clamp better than any other wheel clamp. I suffer from obtuse acne and I have bothered to wash my face everyday, eat more veggies, fruits and stuff that will make me look like gong li minus female anatomy, but again, I am still ravaged by such a tragedy. I stayed back in school to do work. From 9 in the morning to 9 at night Iam in schoo, working my fucking ass off making sure I have work to submit. And what the fuck do I get? Fucked up results, Fucked up acne face, FUCKED up fat ass body. I am almost at the point where I nearly give up. I can fucking walk for 2 minutes and burst out in sweat, very irritating. I sit down for 2 seconds without a fan and what?

But I will try and pick myself up, I will fight and get my results. All i fucking ask for is a B in the remaining modules I have left. I am just very angry when I think about all I've tried to do to change my body, lifestyle and it doesnt get recognised. Don't talk to me about this, I am not very satisfied about always being wrong wrong and fucking wrong. I am so sorry. I just cannot and I will not talk about these anymore. From now on, I'll do my fucking work.

You wanna know why I keep fucking wearing black? Because I am ashamed of what I have, blubber in the wrong places, you fucking think that I have the balls to admit it, but I have to admit I don't have the balls to let you see it. Iam fucking tired of running my ass off and not seeing changes in my body. People fucking say I lose weight, when I look in the mirror I fucking see an abomination. Acne, Fat, Stupid, Ugly.

I have not acomplished much in my life, i fucking admit it. I doubt I ever will no matter how hard i fucking try. It hurts alot, it does. But don't fucking tell me anything, I am tired of the harshness of wake up calls. If they were nice I probably won't be like this. I want your gentleness and not always telling me how fucking wrong I am and how I trip over myself.

Sunk

2007-10-03T19:31:00.000+08:00

Results for my previous modules have been out. I have to admit I have screwed up my life because I don't know what I really want in life. There is nothing in the world to push me to work hard. I understand people can encourage me and talk to me and do all they can to make me feel better but you know, it actually wont. I don't know, Iam just very screwed up. It just took me quite awhile to realise that when I got my results. Now that it has sunk in, I am really screwed up big time. I don't know who my allies and enemies are and I can't get things properly done. So much for thinking design was my thing. I have to admit I have not put in effort in some modules but for certain ones where I really did my best and put in effort, I did not see my efforts pay off. I am losing a little bit of faith. You know for someone who did not go to church often I was a firmly and faithful believer of the phrase "For every ounce of effort you put in, God will honor it". I feel it crashing on me now.

My drawing sucked but fuck I put in the effort to improve, I know I am probably not very good and although I have 5-7 sketch books, the art they house aren't exactly A. But the fucking thing is I tried and I tried.

I really don't know. I just feel encouragement and "it will be alright" are just superficial words. It is shameful but I will tell you that I have got a fucking GPA of 2.36.

It hurts alot. I am just another wasted fat screw up.

High School Never Ends

2007-10-03T00:06:00.000+08:00

About some time ago a super famous Singapore blogger was invited to be a guest speaker on a talkshow that airs on local telly. She's very famous for her perfect english and sometimes criticisms towards social morons and most recently her post about disgusting local bloggers. Not to mention the backlash she garnered was certainly harsh and of course, some were just words typed out of boredom and poor judgement and assessment of situations. Singaporeans don't really think so much do they? During the seriously gruelling half an hour I can totally feel for her. First being put in an uncomfortable position, next to an aspiring underwear model who wore like a tank top brandishing those flabby appendages. Being bombarded by men who said very insensitive words and worst, a very superficial and immature host/DJ who's self portrait is erected in his bathroom. Its the typical Hollywood culture where celebrities become little bitches and throw their fame around. Recently a booby trapping Hollywood A lister displayed diva behavior with her inability to use her legs. Some seemingly gay hairstylists labelled poor unsuspecting fans 'frogs in a well'. If I couldn't read I think I'll choose to leave it as it is and take critiques as part and parcel of being in the creative industry.

I never thought this puny DJ as a very nice person. Well for starters we could delve into the incident when the bug came to my tertiary institution to host a programme and a little insect that collects nectar for a living decided to pay the stage a visit. Obviously inviting unwanted attention the little insect made it's away around the crowd and went on to pester the ironically, more irritating insect and what the the big one say? He could not help but belt out some jarring vulgarity. I should capture these celebrities at their worst. Like bored students every poo pooed his comment and even before repenting he could even issue a statement about Temasek Poly students getting high when they hear vulgarities. He seems to be digressing to me. I do not see any connection between getting high and being morally articulate. High is when you eat warm, fresh oven baked chewy double chocolate chip cookies and orgasm is when you throw in Adam Levine's voice with the cookies and gams of a slender chick. Not listening to shallow, superficial, immature people scold an insect.

I feel for the blogger because in that intense uneasy situation the only way to let her feelings be known is to talk about it. Anyone will know that. We don't read minds, Heroes is pure fiction. And for no apparent reason that slimeball went onto his website cum blog to lambast the blogger who published a neutral harmless post about her feelings on her appearance on the show. She did not have to acknowledge and reply finally to my email to make me take her side. All it took was for me, as a person, a sane grown up person to watch the programme and then give my unbiased opinion. I think some people here are just hard up for attention and just feel a need to gain the same fame some others did by criticizing people. I understand that we are all desperate for that level of fame that other more good looking, talented and popular celebrities posses, not to mention I've come across such jewels.

That blogger writes well, but she does sometimes cause a stir of anger among innocent people. What goes around comes around. She's a human, she can feel the hurt when a supposedly neutral party turns hostile. I can identify with the pain and the disappointment and the hurt. The shock when people react in a childish manner.

I say, just do your job and keep your high school demeanor and poor English within your closet. Grow up from the high school age mentality and get an orgasm by watching South Park gross the world record with the most number of vulgarities.

Whenever You Remember

2007-10-01T22:28:00.001+08:00

My class got shuffled. Ok, there were some people I cannot let go and some people I feel indifferent about letting go. And some people or probably one or two I am so giving thanks to God three million times we are still together so most likely I'll be giving my tithes this week. Well, as much as we bonded I still do not feel a thing probably because to you, I am not very important, I can feel it from the way you treat me even though sometimes I do my best to help you despite sans reciprocation. The time I invested and stuff like that amounted to nothing. So I just had to set my emotions right and let it go before I become severely screwed.

I've learnt alot from the days when I was bullied. People come and go, no matter how nice we can be, some may never understand that our friends' help is invaluable. So why should I even bother? I am sorry but I am so over it. Enjoy your new classmates.

I am still growing, learning and experiencing the world and it's people. The good and the bad. Sometimes the bad only surface as time passes. So I am taking a risk but it pays off when you find a diamond once the rock has been washed away by time. I can open up and reveal so much, the rest is up to the other party. It takes two hands to clap.

It's alright that you treat me like I'll be hit by a bus the next day, I know even if I fucking die right now you will never show your face at my funeral. It's all cool. I will not stop caring for others and being nice just because it doesn't pay most of the time. What goes around comes around. You can treat me in anyway you want, but I am not stupid. I am not stupid.

Like someone puts it, when will I be that special someone? You can be the popular group, whatever. When I was nice, I was really genuine. So when you remember me, remember I helped you, but I do not care whether you pay me back, I only care about the way you treat me.

If I am really not important to you no matter how long we've been classmates/friends then please don't attend my funeral.

You Raise Me Up

2007-10-01T09:42:00.000+08:00

At Suntec City Carrefour (say 'car-foo' NOT 'carry-four' or whatever nonsense your brain can churn out) yesterday after a whooping heavy meal at Cafe Cartel I saw the worst imaginable thing anyone can never identify with.

OK to get to the main point, I am sure if you look around nowadays, the ratio of good parents to bad parents seems to pale. Bad parents run amok and so do their children. Fortunately for me I've lived long enough to see such people roaming our sunny island. I'm not going to name any names although the impetus to do so is very compelling. Kids these days are very spoilt. So spoilt to the extent they do many horrid things to their parents. Or so i can also say, parents these days are very inconsiderate and lousy so much so they can make their little kids do very disgusting stuff.

I was searching for my super orgasmic Ben and Jerry's Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream at the frozen section. Down the aisle I saw this stupid man and his brood with the family matron behind pushing her barely filled trolley. They were standing in close proximity of yours truly and like duh they were looking for ice cream. Of course not those elite types i always indulge in. Expect the unexpected, for no reason, and seriously up till now I cannot fathom to why that stupid man raised his toddler up with her footwear out and slowly placed her feet inside the freezer. Touching a box of ice cream and then lifting her out. That WAS ghastly. I was like. I was like. I was like. Dumbfounded. I watched in awe as the shameless couple proceeded down the aisle. Oh gosh. Seriously I have to say this, its very mean i know but then... WHAT THE FUCK?!! If only I could amplify my utter disgust online I would have done so ten fold. So can i type the bad word ten times and not be lambasted? Please...

I am so through with bad parents. Here's more. Some of you know I toss and grill sandwiches for grouchy and unappreciative people at Subway, seriously man, again. Bad parenting. Haven't mummy ever teach you to be nice to people behind the counter. I do not see why I should be nice to people who are not nice to me. Yes I will take the initiative to say my hellos and my good mornings/afternoon/evening. But if I do not get a smile, a hello or whatsoever reciprocation. Sorry darling, Ima be a super rude bitch. I'm not for jokes, I'm for real. My sarcasm is forever. Bask in it while you can lowly mortals with bad parents, taste my eternal wrath. Iam the one and only. The worst has got to be people who after eating leave behind a mess worst than one you find in my room and those who do not clear their trays and rubbish. There was once this group of juvenile imbeciles failed to reflect honor upon their parents and decided to leave their trays on the table. One angel said "Hey! Clear your tray!" and so she did, I swear I can love her more than any man in the... I mean any woman in the world. Moving on. Bad Parenting. Bad Parenting. To which this bastard said, "No! Give them some work to do."

Ok, how about I stick my bread cutting stiletto down that dirty pipe of yours? Sorry, but very angry now. Stupid FUCKER!

But I've also seen good parents. This dad brought his little hatch lings into Subway and you know, bad parents have kids who do not eat veggies. I don't know why, but if you love your kids then i think they will be eating healthy. I believe that whatever the kids eat is also a reflection on the parents. So the little darlings could tell me loud and clear which veggies they wanted and it was so cute. They even realised that for a family of 5, only 3 sandwiches were ordered and they could even ask "How about mummy? What is she eating?" Awwwwwww, so heart warming right? And they are so young, like maybe no older than 7?

Good parents exist everywhere and for every good parent there will be bad parents. I know of many good parents because I can tell from the way the children mix around to find friends and cliques. Like say, my friends?

If you genuinely love your parents, be a nice person. Don't cyber bully, don't show people behind the counter you always wake up on the wrong side of the bed, don't borrow things only to return them a millennium later, don't plug that stupid ipod in your ear when you are with a person or in a group.

You're So Lucky But You Don't Know It

2007-09-17T23:30:00.000+08:00

My name is James* and I am an 18 year old male living within the concrete jungle of Singapore. Earlier this year I received my O levels results which will changed and has changed my life forever. I managed to obtain an A1 for subjects like Principles of Accounts, Chinese, Design and Technology, a B3 for Humanities and Elementary Mathematics but unfortunately for me, my English grade was a miserable fail. A D7. Obviously taken aback by the English score i still tried to enter polytechnics to study accounting and finance, my long time passion.

Born into a family where dad worked as a hawker and mum helping dad, I was raised by a close family friend I call "Aunty". The fact that dad was working as a cook for the store owner did not help because that meant profits would not be solely his. Dad worked for my biological uncle who as and when, docked his pay. As the store assistant, mum did not bring home much. Being from a poor family and given the environment i lived in, mom often felt sick, but thanks to her green fingers she managed to grow herbs in her house to nurse the ailments that ravaged her. Dad loves wallow in crapulence and random games of probability or known as gambling. You could say Aunty was the one who provided for all my necessities. I have a younger sister who I can still call sister. My younger brother was ''bought over'' by my uncle. Legally or so, my younger brother is no longer my brother. Simply because Aunty, Mummy or Daddy do not have the financial capabilities to raise three children. After all, Aunty has her own children. For my growing years, life was quite peaceful and normal. Just like any other kid, I would indulge in trading card games and other forms of entertainment that intrigued little boys.

After my Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE) I was thrown into a Secondary school course known as Normal Academic. This meant that I would spend 5 years in a Secondary School and by the time i graduate with an O level cert (not in this case no more) I would be around 18. Life as a secondary school student did not prove easy because of the enormous pressure impressed upon me and the difficulty of blending into the social scene. I am an introvert and to many people, I am weird. During my secondary school years, despite my social standing I did quite well in most of my subjects. English was my only stumbling block. I attained many bursaries and awards. To a certain extent you could say I was quite the victim of bullying and prejudice. Naivete did not serve me well either. Being immensely passionate about Accounting and Finance, i excelled in Principles of Accounts in school much to every one's shock. Although this did not help me rise within the ranks of the popularity chart.

After the set back of having an incomplete O level certificate I had to ponder my next move carefully. The immediate thought that came into mind was to appeal to Polytechnics to accept me in and give me the chance to retake my O level English so I can graduate with my Diploma and have a completed O level certificate. This would throw me back into the educational stream. Hearing fabled tales of students being accepted into Polytechnics and retaking the failed O level subject served as a beacon and testament of hope. But in the event I do not obtain a Pass in English at the end of my Diploma studies, I would be presented with my Diploma, which would mean I have basically thrown away 3 years of my life. Living in Singapore and being a male, throwing away 1 year of my life is bad enough. Plus I have already threw it away when I failed to enter the Express course in Secondary School, a 4 year course. With little options presented to me, I decided to try the Polytechnics. Sadly, none of them accepted me because in order to be taking Accounting and Finance, I had to have at least a pass in English as some of the modules during the Diploma course would require me to have at least a better command of English than I do now. Without the language proficiency I would struggle and eventually falter. Heeding the advice of the course managers from the various Polytechnics, I did not appeal to enter Polytechnic and once again, my options narrowed to a bottleneck far worse than the preceding ones.

Another option was opened to me. I would enrol into the Institute of Technical Education (ITE) and known to most Singaporeans as Its The End. ITE had a reputation of taking in those students who were not academically inclined and therefore most parents shunned ITE and got their children into the mindset that ITE spells eternal doom. The fact that Singaporean parents wanted to maintain their social reputation and name did not help. Fortunately for me my parents did not really bother. But if i were to choose to enrol into ITE, I would have to go through at least 2 years before I can progress into Poly. Calculating the number of years it would take, this path was certainly a good choice, but a long one. Time was not something I had aplenty. By the time I graduate with a Degree I would have been around 29 and growing. Who knows it may even delve into my 30s. Knowing the market and employment statistics, hitting 30 would make me semi redundant.

Again i was left to contemplate my next move. My next move in the one time game. My next move in life. After much consideration I decided to assimilate myself into a private school. Despite my poor family finances i managed to raise enough money to begin school. It was never easy raising money, I had to persuade dad to give me the basics - Money. Prior to that I held a part-time job at McDonald's. Though the pay was tiny it helped a little as to rain drops filling a bucket. Calculating the expenses I would incur and preparing everything, I started school. All went well, I made a couple of new friends, my social standing was not as bad as compared to secondary school. I thought my problems had dissipated, God was watching over me. Life could not get better than this. I know although my family is not rich, although I do not have the luxury of even handling a pair of Nike Shoes, I would not stop at nowhere to achieve my dreams of becoming an auditor in a large accounting film. Then having enough riches I would not have to bestow upon my children the same fate I was thrust. I would be able to repay Aunty for raising me and Sister, I would probably be able to win back my younger brother, I would be able to free mom and dad from the vile shackles my uncle bound them to. No one would look down on me. I would be anything close to being a demi-god.

All calm before the storm. Turbulence hit me when I received a letter from the government stating that my request to defer from National Service (NS) was rejected. I could not fathom the reasons behind this misfortune. My course at the private school had commenced and right smack in the middle of this I am summoned to serve 2 years as a soldier. I consulted friends who advised me to give up my studies in the mean time and serve NS as after I ''graduate'' from NS I would have all the time to continue my studies. Confused and unhappy I decided not to bow to the inevitable. I appealed to the authorities to allow me to complete my basic accounting course before enlisting but to no avail. Rejected time and time and again. Strangely because my school was not recognised by the Ministry Of Education (MOE). Knowing that without proper educational qualifications, one would barely survive the emotional prejudice in NS and I was determined not to let that happen to me. After all, what wrong did i do? All I wanted was an opportunity to study, an opportunity to grow, an opportunity to be whole.

I exhasuted all my methods of having a successful appeal. I decided to seek the help of a Member of Parliament (MP). Hopefully with his divine intervention, I would be able to at least obtain my basic accounting certificate and then without any worries, enlist into the army, relinquishing my freedom, family and connection with the world for 2 years. My visit with the MP did not prove fruitful due to certain miscommunication and human incompetence. Following the MP's letter to the authorities and a short wait, I was turned down again. Not ready to concede, I began to hatch more plans to turn the tides, hopefully my simple wish can be granted. But as tough as the situation was, I was ready to accept the fact I would be thrown into the army by the next year.

As they say, when one misfortunes befalls a man, many would soon come along. Daddy has taken ill. There are stones in his kidneys. His health is failing. Should Daddy stop working to nurse his declining health, there would be no one in the Earth to support my education, Aunty no longer works and Mummy's pay is burned up with bills and bills. With the dire situation I face the fire can only burn brighter, stronger and fiercer. Even if I enlist, I do not hold the right educational qualifications to pay for my dad's health expenses, my studies and most probably bills. Mummy is getting on age, retiring is inevitable, plus how much can she earn to sustain my sister's future education. Without a proper job due to low education, I would be left with nothing once I return to the world after a 2 year hiatus. Am I once again going to be the subject of humiliation and pittance? With dad's failing health, who knows what may happen to him during my 2 year absence.

You can never fully understand my situation. You can make passing judgements about me, about my situation. You can stand by and watch. You can do anything. I implore you to do me a simple favor, imagine you were me. Yes, you can never never fully comprehend and connect with the situation but you must know you are fortunate you are not me. You must know you are probably very fortunate you have a computer screen in your room to read this. It never helped I was poor, it never will help anyway.

Simply Because...

2007-09-15T02:09:00.000+08:00

While dissatisfaction and bitterness encroaches upon my friends I would like to contemplate the injustice done not to me during my photography module. My lecturer is no doubt a very objectionable man and the centre of hate and disdain and certainly not cosmetics. Let it be known that we make choices, choices that affect us greatly and choices which we can argue to pend it through. It is no wonder that in the creative industry, we will get hot seated, this uncomfortable process is inevitable. I know I feel comfortable and nonchalant about the turbulence simply because I have done my work, I have put in the effort and I made the right choices.

I have not seen, to a full extent and with substantial proof that my lecturer fails to make the grade. Up to a certain point, I see my lecturer as a total jerk worthy of our unbridled wrath and certainly a little anger management courses and maybe a session with Dr Woffles Wu would serve excellent. I am unscathed by my lecturer's ''sins'' simply because I do not feel that he committed sins against us. Like I said, choices are important, if you think this is suitable for this, then it is the choice you make. Do you think twice before you make a choice, do you keep your options open. If you do not keep your choices open and open to other people's suggestions and should you falter, blame not others but yourself.

Though some actions he has carried out were inappropriate, it isn't enough to forge a link between him and our incompetence. At the end of the day it is the amount of effort we put in, the drive we display and the honor we upkeep. Any sane and matured human would know that above all, efforts are the ones that we look out for. Having gone through enough I have the faith and confidence that effort is a prioritized criteria when a professional is judging. From a piece of finished work even the most inexperienced of all would be able to make out how much effort, how much passion and willingness was put into a piece of work. It is sad and unfathomable to why sometimes hard effort does not pay off but some contributing factors would once again be, choices. One small choice can screw up an entire assignment. Simple. Seek second opinions. I gave my opinion and it went unanswered, I do not really bother because as long as I have done my part as a friend by offering options and giving my valued opinion I am cleared.

So long as there is an ounce of effort I firmly believe one will look past all the inconsistencies and irrefutably award accordingly. It is not right or wrong choices but whether it is appropriate or otherwise. A lot can be said about a person through the amount of effort he sets into his work although there are some individuals who no doubt put in effort, produce second to none work but yet do not strike a chord with social cliques. Effort tells me how much this person can be trusted with my friendship, how suitable is this person to be my future spouse, how suitable this person is to carry out a task. But it would be unfair to judge a person immediately through the amount of effort invested into his work, there may be unseen hindering forces behind his crass work. But let us all know that if we have attitude, passion and drive to do our work, the end product will shine with these true silver attributes regardless of the quality. Any work lavished with such qualities would surely not crumble.

It is only with attitude, effort and appropriate choices that we would be exalted, as morally unstable the world may seem, this is the light at the end of the tunnel and the serene reality of human maturity.

3rd Floor To The Second

2007-09-11T19:59:00.000+08:00

Remember mon darlingz when I said I hated final assignments? If you did then good, blessings upon your family for all eternity. I'm just in the mood to write anything I can think off that makes me pissed, irritated, enraged, deranged, etc etc etc. Sorry, trying to exercise my vocabulary. After all, I'm not the best, there are like millions of people who write better, spell better and do everything better. But at least I find eternal solace in the fact, FACT, many people are like 10 thousands times worse than me. Bow before my Mensa intellect lowly creatures of Gaia. I'm not from Mensa by the way. Oh man, wish I was. Like totally. Totally totally loathe people from Mensa, thats probably jealousy rearing its ugly head on my fingers that type away. I mean so what if you are like have more IQ than us, we are still humans, you are still a human and there are other people probably not in Mensa and spawn more gold than you.

I was reading a local gossip magazine which I totally adore. I'm a bitch freak! So, they were doing this article about this TV programme requiring 26 hunks for a special episode. Think "Deal or no deal". So yea, the article was about guys who think they have what it takes, guys who made it, and guys who serriouzly do NOT make the cut. So there was this imbecile who brandished photos of him topless, the abs, pecs and wholesale body thing and he also added a 'pick-up' line that totally made me frown my forehead to the ground.

"Iam from Mensa and I wanna show that guys can have both brains and brawn at the same time" this line to which hit me like he was rubbing in the not so fact that Iam quite a low being. Applaud able that the magazine retorted with "L******* C*** is over compensating". Oh gawd, so what if thou art from Mensa, so what if thou hath a hot bod. I'm so using my bitch senses to infer this guy must be pretty like ostracized because he is too proud and proud and proud of his "heritage". I don't know about many of you but one of my school values was humility. Values that make me RICH. Resilient, Integrity, Compassion and HUMILITY. I mean come on dear. Yes ok its good that you are being resilient by trying for the show while you flaunt pictures of your bod. The integrity to... integrity to... MOVING ON

No, serriouzly, no compassion for the low-lings. I feel so small although I have significantly expanded sideways throughout the 18 years of chemical reactions. Mensa people should be banished forever to the wastelands of the river nile. What am i talking about now? Stop digressing. Ok, i'm very jealous and unsatisfied that people are better than me. It is a fact there are thousands out there better than me. I'm still fresh meat and fat meat and I still have like eternity to learn new things so while Iam at it (growing up) I will make the effort to learn new things, be humble. And if Iam good looking enough, YES, I will audition myself but don't worry, my tagline or pick-up line would be so corny you wont even want to hear any word i say. Ima be so philosophical and act mature you're going to be blown away apart from my future hot bod. I want a hot bod but then Iam too lazy to work for it, I don't get paid and the perks are long awaiting. Nerd is the new beautiful.

"My name is Joel and I deserve to be on this show because Iam me." There, short and sweet. When in doubt keep it simple. Cheerio.

*The following preview is not suitable for all audiences below the age of 18, below the age mentality of 18.*

"My name is Joel, Iam so for the show because I graduated from Temasek Poly with a GPA of 10000 and Iam from Mensa, wanna see my pictures of my hot bod? Remember keep them dry though"

"The camera loves my pimple lavished skin and these crevices in my legs just house many of the toughest scabs you can find. Think guiness world records."

"Im Joel and I have immense experience in modelling. Prior to this inferior audition I was signed to Ford for 5 years before I left because I was too good ala model. *Takes off shawl and tries to fling it to a nearby crew member but it gets entangled round my elbow and Iam nearly thrown forward by the very force I try to use to land the shawl on the crew man.*

To the left to the left.

Horrors of horrors. Some good time ago I entered the lift at the 5th floor, it stopped at the 3rd floor much to my dismay to pick up a bitch. Little Miss Tramp Ass just had to waltz in like Barbie meets Britney and with all her strength she could muster for one final touch. Her pale fingers stretched out, quivering, slowly advanced to the control panel. My clear eyes glued to her skeleton figure, all waned, all devoid of any life, haggled, crumpled, shriveled. Only old people would do what she did, so don't blame my full comprehensive description. With the last quarter of energy she had harnessed, she hit 2.

What's In A Name?

2007-09-07T09:02:00.000+08:00

The name's Joel. Joel. Joel.

Repeat that name/word as to the number of times i typed it out. Now try to pronounce it. CORRECTLY. If you love me, if you respect me, if you know me, pronounce it right. Say it right. Geez.

For crying out loud to the core's core. JO-ELLE is freaking wrong! Geez. Geez. GEEZ! **Raises hands to the heavens in utter disbelief while mouthing profanities (whatever profanity you can picture me mouthing is at your own discretion mind you)**

Try again. Please. My parents gave me this name. I'm so begging thee to respect my parents and pay tribute to the original bearer of this name. Who is some Hebrew prophet who lived some millions of years ago.

Please moi dahlingz, to mispronounce some one's name for like, lets see. Let us contemplate. Many many years? Its so faux pas. Seriiouzly.

Alright ladies. Its Jo-er or J-o-u-l-e. Yes. If you just cannot get it. Joe will be just fine. So long as you don't call me by a girl's name I'll be fine. And who was the asshole who said i was feminine? Don't blame me, I was being called a girl's name. *scoffs*

Do unto others what ye want others do unto thee

2007-09-02T16:58:00.000+08:00

I hate final assignments. I seriously hate final projects, for one, i wont get sleep at all. Number 2: I'm always worried i will forget something and then crash, fail the module and take the first step to being kicked out of my polytechnic. Knowing me, I always omit something for submission and then my grades suffer though I have superior intellect worthy of Mensa. I want at least a GPA 3.2! Tell me something, "Get real bitch boy, you're so bitchy and unworthy I doubt you would even reach 3.0." Whatever man, it is not you who will define me but myself. For some people who knew me, or should i not mince words. For some people who bullied me during secondary school, yes i am seriously traumatized by your daunting actions but then, i have to move on. I have moved on, i have good friends in Poly. Or so i say although some things they have done leave me calculating risks and probing into our future relationship standing. Well, i forgive you, but i wont forget. I never believed in forgive and forget. I no longer harbour any hatred towards you but then do not forget that the mark you have left behind will forever stand so long as the clock ticks. Please dont take out the batteries from the clock and pretend i have forgotten. Use your common sense or declining level of english.

I got to admit that when i was in secondary school i always wanted to compromise anything just to be a cool kid and accepted by the various cliques/holds/factions/affiliations/clubs/societies. I was not as confident, I was shy and not very proud of myself or anything i ever own or was associated with. I hated each day at school, disliked going to school. But then guess what, even after i graduated with mediocre O level results capable to thrusting the others into spasms of jealousy, i still felt lonely, misunderstood. Oh yes, misunderstood is the super right word. Well, I was MSN and one of the bullies stroked a conversation with me online. Why did i bother to add the bully/asshole/feral beast/mangy man of low intellect/accidental spawn/broken soul? Simply because i was desperate to be accepted, desperate for people to change their perception of me. Desperate to be immoral, stupid and annoying out to gain the pittance of others.

He started out by saying HI to me which i thought as just another harmless conversations where people took the time to catch up with each other. Soon it got a little uncomfortable when he moved into calling me the same old names i used to be branded with. I thought they were just harmless jokes, so i did not say anything. Soon he decided to let me in on his ''true'' intentions when he commented on my display picture of a Photoshop-ed image of Josh Hartnett. Some how the low-life got a little too disturbing and made comments. Immediately i knew i was being bullied again. My haunting past was brought up. I felt myself cringe in my seat. I had to block the fuckhead, delete him. I know this is not over. I can turn to no one for help because people are imbued with a stereotype thinking that if an 18 year boy calls for help over such trivial matters, he is a whimp. Ok, Ok, say what you want. Anyway I never wanted anybody to help me. Its about time i stopped using the soft methods by seeking refuge in the authorities and take things into my own hands. This is not over, he is studying in the same tertiary institute as me. Chances of me running into him in the 10000 people strong campus is there. He will make those nasty comments, he will attempt to dig out the past and send me back into depression again. Its just time i ballbust somebody. And no, I will not be ashamed of my valid actions. I will no longer stand by while people humiliate me, taunt me and make snide and rude remarks at me. I will not stand for that for i know the psychological repercussions for bottling up feelings are dire.

Never again will i keep saying yes even though i know i shouldnt. DO not take advantage of me because Im not stupid. Do not presume i do not know your motives. I have been taken advantage off, used, discarded. It only makes me stronger now, and stronger. You can fool your stupid parents, you can lie to your fleeting friends, you can tell yourself lies to satisfy your mind. Wouldnt it hurt your parents to know that their goody goody son takes pride in making others miserable? Would it hurt you to know your child is like that? Put yourself in my old shoes, if your child was me, the enitity you work so hard for, the organism you birthed and protect so dearly. The soul you give your all to ensure he is happy. If that was your child, being the subject of other people's stares, other peoples sick pleasure. How does that move your heart? How does that make you feel?

Think. If you have the maturity level of that bully who raked my past, probably IQ of -13 and mentality of a 3 year old who has down syndrome and serious birth defects, then don't think, don't risk it. I don't want to close this blog because someone's brain exploded while reading it.

Wet, Wild Fantasies?

2007-08-28T17:57:00.000+08:00

Darlings! Darlings! News flash!

Quoted from a friendster profile's shoutout

"hey peeps..do add me..its ma pleasure to get to noe U..yes u!!soo doo flooood me wit ur testiS k!lup u"

There are 101 better ways to get to know a person.

Serriiouzly? Read. Think. Reflect. Remember. LAUGH.

Is it me or i feel a little emasculated?

You and Your hand

2007-08-11T21:58:00.000+08:00

Don't label me the chief bitch when you have not seen the injustice done to me. Seriously, whats this trend of picking from people's plate and sharing saliva through the same straw? I mean like hello again my darlings, how many of you dislike people whom you aren't too close to, picking from your plate. I don't mean to be rude or disrespectful but all due respect, the amount of time or years you know my name does not imply that we have an exalted relationship together. I seriously would not cringe when you are like super close to me like some of you are. And you are helping yourself to the super oily deep fried potato stick. I understand your golden intentions of reducing the calorie intake as you won't want to see me taking up 3 seats in an MRT train and cheesing off the nearby commuters. When I have not given the green light to shoplift from my plate, please do not make pre-emptive strikes against my plate. I understand when you say its only a harmless french fry or freedom fry or whatever greasy golden potato stick but then would you like it when you pay for something and the rats come out to scavenge whatever there is? I believe it is my prerogative to decline your request to steal my food but out of extreme goodwill and the amount of years we have held mundane and formal conversations, not anywhere near warm and friendly, I just won't say NO. I'm too nice but don't assume naivete suits me.

Are you kidding me? Share my saliva? No thank you honey. Yes many people are by now infuriated by me not wanting to share my saliva/enzymes/germs/oral produce/biological emissions/natural liquid. But it is a personal choice I make and I would very much LOVE it, YES, LOVE it if you can respect that. Iam from Mars although some remain skeptical and I know somewhere inside me, Iam supposed to be sharing such putrid stuff. But until the time comes, sorry honey, I won't. And yes people who genuinely respect me do tell me to voice my displeasure about this sharing bio stuff but then again Iam such an angel in front of you, I just will NOT say anything. Now I have contemplated about the repercussions I would be shelled with should I speak my mind. Obviously the first thing would bomb me with is about being generous and not being such a sissy. Excuse moi, being generous, how about not being so cheapskate and freeloading? I cannot say anything to defend myself about the sissy accusations because I do not care about what you think of me, whether you perceive me as a spoilt brat or a super spoilt brat because Mummy loves me too much and fetches me from places. Please, you order your own food and I order my own food, you have your plate, I have mine, I PAY for mine and you PAY for yours. Even if you do not mind sharing your food or letting "crows" peck from your pile of calories, it does not mean I'm selfish. I'm just very economical, cannot blame me. Whats with reaching out your hands to grab my drink before I can express my dismay and then lacing my hollow plastic tube with your "water"? Iam ME, I do not like to share saliva, many people who truly know me as a human know Iam like that. So in the dining hall with me, please, try to keep your hand to yourself, its just you and your hand. Not your hand and my food. Please do not give me the "Saliva is just saliva, its harmless" crap, i do not like it, period. Oh! Let me spit on you, after all, saliva is just saliva, its harmless and my viscous nasal goo won't even kill a germ.

And seriously speaking, its never blissful when you are carrying a satchel 20cm thick around a waist 36, carrying A3 cardboard encased within a plastic folder, balancing a wallet, a plastic bag of cookies while hooking a piece of rounded wire that's supposed to be a tomato round your pinkie while having a wedgie. Not when you are in public transport that sends you on a balancing stunt with each journey. Blistering.

Speak Good English, Be UNDERSTOOD, Write Good English, Be LIKED

2007-08-01T01:15:00.000+08:00

Oh dear gawd, my darlings. I'm so sick of my dear pretty slitty eyes inhaling crap on the internet. Not on wiki, i love my wiki. These horrid words or worse, creative but inaccurate and irritating use of punctuation marks flood the screens as people now opt to be undefined more like unrefined. And seriously? UNDEFINED, because right from the start if you use your brain properly you would realise they do not mean anything but broken English which China would correct with utmost ease. Now now why do we keep on gossiping about the Chinese people having lousy English when most people in the Singapore online world do not even know how to manipulate the language. Now i decided to experiment a little here and there and return to being, undefined and totally irritating, annoying, moronic and just plain stupid. Oh yes, there are many people who think they are smart. Always spiting people, always using sarcastic retorts, always cutting in when I'm just trying to share my life, always putting down choices made by others. making quotes self proclaiming superiority and worst, criticising my drawing when they don't even draw.

Oh please let me at least share my day with you or at least a part of my interesting life, after all that's what friends are for in case you didn't know. And HELL NO, I don't apologise when people offend me or step on my toes. Digressed too much, back to topic about half-fucked English. Oooh that quote "half-fucked English" came from Xiaxue, i read it and i think she describes broken English best, hail to the queen.

Now i decided to return to the past and cook up crap to annoy you about my day. And it begins, hehehe XP (see the poor usage of letters? I got a headstart)

Todae ish a boring day wor...hehe XD...KNN last night i sleep at 11 than at 1am....AM leh!!! AM!! stoopid dion msg me abt smthing lah..dunno wad la...then i give him act cute qian bian reply...hahaha ><...i said....auto message: sleeping....wakakakakak...so funny hor...hahaha i acting cute, stupid and bimbotic and totally lame....hahahaha XP...see my stupid use of punctuations...fullstop...hahaha...fullstop your mother lah CB!!! then hor...i dunno how to spellz leh...lolx...then in skool...i nv do my hw...hahahaha...bad boi hor? =Ppp newayz...im super acting cute and acting like i left my brain at the cereal aisle in NTUC...then at lunch..haiz...we go to tt BORING!! Mensa to eat....see lor....tt rajjy....eat eat only vege....NB..then always haf to walk in the sun....heeex....jk jk rajjy....we luv eeu..see lah...i cant spell lor....help me..... XD

I hope my heart is still beating cause i was totally guffawing as i typed that crap out, and the best part is. SPELL CHECK. I think blogger will ban me for suddenly crashing their spell check at one whole paragraph.

An open letter to a really disgusting girl

2007-07-19T00:21:00.000+08:00

For some of you Singaporeans or foreigners who know about this blogger Xiaxue aka Wendy Cheng, she has recently posted an entry in her blog about the Top 5 Most Disgusting Blogger in Singapore. If you have time, do visit her site and read that entry, it's really superb. I was quite inhibited at first when I visited her blog. I visited it about a month ago because I was really bored to tears at home and I found that she's pretty awesome. Her posts are quite hilarious and the language is really excellent. I've seen her in real person but I didn't take a photo or do anything because by the time I realised I was in the same train as her, I had to alight, plus I get tongue tied when I see celebrities lest i make a fool out of myself. And in that blissfully enjoyable post about the disgusting bloggers in Singapore, one caught my eye, Celeste Chen. She made headlines in Singapore recently when reported that she had over 16000 friends on her Friendster account, obviously those friends are just shallow empty people. Like empty clay jars, on display without an apparent purpose. It really annoys me how below averaged people can get famous on the internet world and Iam still hidden behind the cloak of eternal oblivion. But the good thing is Iam not so desperate for fame.

So this little girl Celeste posted an entry on her blog which rebuked Xiaxue about being named as a disgusting blogger. And my my darlings, that post was seriously deplorable. Vomit invoking. You should check it out too, go to xiaxue, read the facts about Celeste and then click on the link in Xiaxue's blog which will lead you to Celeste. Well I have already read Celeste's retaliation entry and it SUCKED. Well I've only got this to say to her.

Dear top 5 most disgusting blogger.

Your entry was about xiaxue was totally disgusting and pointless. To add to the vomit factor you laced your sentences with profanity that further proved xiaxue's point. Do not be so embittered by her facts because i highly doubt you even had the intellectual ability to comprehend whatever she wrote. Xiaxue's standard of writting is obviously many notches higher than yours, i implore you not to fill your sentences with profanity, irrelevant punctuation marks and non-English words. It further displays why xiaxue is way superior to you. And please, xiaxue doesn't need any attention because she started blogging some 2 years ago and bow to the fact she is more famous than you. Her posts make more sense than yours, are more enjoyable than yours. Your posts are so mundane and dry. Its really very boring and passe. I actually find it incumbent that your blog posts never see the light of day.

And 16000 friends on an online dating site, please. How many do you actually know and why bother to accept their friend invitation, does it get really lonely at night so much so you relinquish your remaining sanity to sate the darkness that encroaches upon your unevenly skinny body? You seem like a typical SPG.

And if someone like you can be so wise and quote the Lord Jesus then why do you use so much vulgarities? Since you are following Jesus' example by loving your enemies, do you think Jesus uses vulgarities? Please use proper words that edify Jesus and not directly insult Him with your lack of wisdom, maturity and sensibility. Now i truly believe it when they say that wisdom comes with age, lets hope you live long enough. And please know that the only reason why people bother to read what you have to spawn its because their level of intellect lies around your level, when they grow out of it Iam sure they'll realise they have wasted immense time. By the time you get to xiaxue's level of intelligence Iam afraid you need to double your dosage of anti-aging pills.

Xiaxue's blog site is http://www.xiaxue.blogspot.com Don't be lazy, just type it in and stop clicking on links.

Money Money Money

2007-07-17T22:48:00.000+08:00

Loneliness is tragical don't you think? When you're in your room alone at night and you realise all your Msn contacts won't give you kick out of talking to them or they simply aren't the people you want to talk to when the moon's beams illuminates the Earth. Or your friends you want to talk to are just taking too long to reply and it vexes you. Oh dear I'm hinting to many people here. But don't worry my darlings I still love you.

Loneliness is tormenting don't you think? When you are down and out, looking through your contacts in your phone and realise that there isn't even a person you want to call to pour it all out. Not a single soul you can call to find solace in, not a single soul you can hold onto. Not a single soul you can laugh with or cry with. You look at that 1000 contact phone book and every name you see there makes you wonder how in the world did it end up there, and there is no one you can talk to. Don't worry my darlings, I love you and you can come to me with thy sorrows. My Father never abandoned me so I'll be as nice and won't.

Yes, my loneliness comes from the fact that many of my friends always have no money to hang out. Poor financial planning, tsk tsk tsk. Mummy gives you pocket money right? And there is no way she will give you a petty sum to last you the month or week, so just use your money wisely and you won't be broke before the financial month ends. Control your expenses.

When you want to catch a movie, going to more expensive cinemas is alright, i mean some charge like 50 cents more for a ticket because of better sound, graphics and ambiance right? Well its alright to select such cinemas when you want to catch a movie. But try to watch a movie during the weekdays because the ticket is cheaper and students don't print as much money as their parents. Plus, during the weekdays it will be less crowded so the ambiance will be more tranquil. Yes, I hate little brats who scream midway through a show, the impetus to restrain them, confine them then interrogate them seems so overpowering. So there, if you watch a movie during the week, you save a few bucks.

When it comes to food or having meals, try to have a fiber filled meal because fiber is indigestible therefore providing a feeling of satiety. Fast food is expensive and does not fill the hole in your stomach, not worth for the hole it burns in your wallet. Carl's Jr is a burger joint that sells really really huge burgers but the price is obviously higher than Mac but then Carl's Jr meals make you so full i bet you won't feel like walking anymore. It is only a few bucks more expensive than Mac but it makes you feel really satisfied. The burgers itself totally own Mac or any other fast food. You should try the orgasmic Portobello Mushroom burger, it totally rocks my socks and fills me up, bang for your buck. Carl's Jr is authentic fast food, authentic burgers, the rest are crap. If Carl's Jr is too huge a meal for you and your wallet, go for Subway. Subway sells Italian sandwiches priced like Mac and BK but, its fresh and relatively low in fat because the meat aren't fried or greasy, except the bacon. You can also select vegetables to complete your tantalizing sandwich, vegetables are high in fiber therefore it'll make you feeling real full. Subway also offers unique sauces and dressings to add to the taste factor. Don't choose mayo or mustard in Subway, go for more exotic ones like honey mustard or chipolte sauce. Speak good English, its pronounced as Chee-poll-ter. So you will find yourself less hungry in the mall and the tendency to purchase snacks will be reduced. Spending 7.50 at Mac wont make you full. Spending 9-15 bucks at Carl's Jr or Subway will make you bloated. I like. Snacks on the average cost like 2 dollars, and in extreme cases pastry can be priced at exorbitant prices like 3 bucks or more. So if you can make yourself full, you can save the money on buying snacks. If you are famished, Carl's Jr. Hungry? Subway. Full? Mac or other FF (fast food) if you are rich enough.

Pay for your own transport? Always always try to get mummy or daddy to send you to your destination, if not, then too bad, find ways to minimise travelling expenses. The tendency to hop into cabs should be suspended. Take cabs only when you are late for school or something really important. If you are just meeting your friend for lunch or to hang out, take the bus or train. Pride yourself with punctuality, it shows a lot about you. If your friend is important to you, you will be early. Punctuality speaks a lot about a person's character. Do not take your friend for granted. Be on time. And if you arrive early then you are early, its your fault, your friend is NOT late. Being early doesn't make others late.

There are many many ways to save money, you know how to but you just refuse to take action. Humans are always like that, they are aware but they venture. If you know procrastination is so destructive why do you still procrastinate? People do make mistakes, people are not perfect, but imperfection should not be a platform to make mistakes. Please.

Its like pitiful you won't hang out with me because of persistent poverty. Relax, I won't pay for everything but at least you got my irreplaceable company.

Listen

2007-07-09T23:24:00.000+08:00

I have just celebrated 18 years of converting oxygen into carbon dioxide and renewing a small part of Earth's water system and I decided to look back and ponder over how I have gotten to where Iam right now.

Now when I was a little boy I was this really really shy child, actually I still am to a certain aspect. Because Iam still a little quiet sometimes when a clique bears very strong and overwhelming personalities, I just shrivel and realise I cannot hold a candle to these people who are obviously more witty, more good looking and command more attention. I mean i do have some sense of humor embedded inside my heart but sometimes to let it out you have to make sure someone is not hogging the conversation or at least someone bothers to pay attention to you. Then you can make your peace and feel assimilated into the clique, feel is one thing but to actually be assimilated is another because Iam speaking of 2 very particular cliques now which I have been part of for say, 5 years. I was, emphasis on was, an introvert during my younger days because I could not deal with a fat body, crooked teeth and distorted facial parts and somehow, I was just quiet and totally totally anti-social.

So the image i portrayed was "I have so many problems inside my heart and Iam just in a sad dark world, save me, sate the everlasting loneliness encroaching upon my forlorn soul. That is my only and last feeble request." Sad to say I had few, close to zero friends. Many people presumed I was a child who had a tormented past and really sucked into a world where love seems void and so everyone looked upon me as their little defenseless brother. I do appreciate their concerns and am alarmed at their over concerns and when they always pat my back or tell me "everything is fine". Iam like "Iam alright, you just refuse to look at that part of me, you just refuse to embrace the real me and you just want to stick to the Joel who is in dire need of help". Iam fine, Iam me, I love you and I love how you care for me and really mean it but its overdone and you are just looking past the real me.

In the afternoon of the day i post this, my classmate was talking about how she hates toys that speak and totally scare the jitters out of her and I was there hysterically laughing my A-cups off my chest and only now that Iam in the night about to retire I realise that the only reason she was uninterrupted because people bothered to let her finish what she started, people bothered to listen to her and enter that world of hating talking toys with her. I reflected upon that and it just dawned on me that no one has been listening to the song in my heart for many many years, always always side-lining me and always forgetting me. In breaking into groups my name is left uncalled and someone has to rescue me, "how about Joel wee?". Gosh Iam extremely hurt, i feel so insignificant, Iam just one out of many billions of living proteins, but there is importance in my existence and to even forget for a second that I inhale and exhale is very tormenting. I feel so entangled and so trapped, there is no space for me to voice out what I want to, there is no room for me to blossom. Iam aware that the bond is not quite finished despite the years and, Yes, Iam in the wrong for not setting things right and not being there, Iam in the wrong for being so adamant, Iam in the wrong for making excuses and lying. Iam willing to make amends now, Iam willing to start and end a conversation without having interruptions or being intercepted, Iam trying to make it work for the rest of my life and I will not give up. I have not been understood and most probably the chances of that happening is slim. Do you hear me? Do you even understand the words I use. It is horribly awkward to crack a joke or at least try to make myself more flamboyant and have everyone just not comprehend what I've just said and stare at me blankly and I just have to brush it off with "never mind". Even if I have burdened you with problems does not signify that Iam always rooted in adverse situations.

There are many things we choose to see and things we choose not to. There are people whom we can click with and those we just cannot link to. There are people who after some fine carvings would fit into our locks, we try hard each day, to make ourselves more adaptable to the many cliques we are part of or try to enter. But there are some we are just not meant to be part of no matter how hard both parties try. I will continue to compose a melody I have started and I will not stop at nowhere to give up, but as for the other, letting go would help me find release from all the past anger and bitterness. Just take time to listen and give people some space to be themselves, make effort to try and understand what they are implying, they have tried so why won't you?

Do you even understand these words?

What is in-line skating? What is a stork? What does P.S at the bottom of a letter stand for? Oh for the love of yourself, READ!!

Sincere gestures (Julian Hee)

2007-07-03T23:09:00.000+08:00

I'm back working at my lovely subway and finally I update this forsaken blog. My stupid Internet is down at the time iam composing this entry so i was reduced to going to a LAN shop five minutes away from my comfortable home. Surrounded by vagrants, no offence, gamers are lifeless people whose only forte is to spill vulgarities like a newwater plant and waste away precious radiation count on games instead of healthy stuff like wikipedia. And when i thought the lanshop could get any worse I was treated to an endless supply of methane that emanated from one of the vagrants. The super cold air-con sure adds to my anguish, my balls were shrinking and I was afraid I would be going home with a new vagina.

As part of my "Good Service" gestures I usually opt to return my customers their change in an orderly and utmost sincere manner by coming in contact with their dainty, rubberised, fossilised or silky fingers after which I would run to the sanitizer.

Working in Subway is exactly like fishing. Let me enlighten thee. As you know I've met my hero (Actor - Julian Hee) while whipping up sandwiches for cranky people. Lets just put this in another picture, I'm a desperate fisherman striving to make ends meet and all I catch are cheap anchovies, not saying all my customers are poor, if they are then they wouldn't be ingesting wallet-busting calories from Subway. But for the hole the Subs fills in your stomach its worth the hole it burns in your wallet. So I cast a wide net and reel in anchovies and oooooh, occasionally the golden carp (Julian) swims by and renders me incapacitated and breathless. Resistance is futile, my soul is so weak. In case you people are wondering who that pretty boy is, that's Julian, I've taken a photo with the guy but I'm ashamed to post the picture with me next to him because my incompetent looks will tarnish his true silver looks and I'll wither as quickly as wildfire consuming a bush.

I left my little fishing shack (Subway) for school and now its happy vacations. I'm unlucky, vacation period is the same as the secondary school and primary school kids, no trotting the malls for me, they'll be decked with brats and juvenile delinquents barricading my path and sending me on a rampage, I sure don't want to knock them off the railings in my blistering wake. Claiming lives was the last thing on my to-do list and I still got many others I haven't done such as "Stand naked in a stalled bubble lift" and " Feed a guy friend in public and smile at onlookers gleefully". I look at the list and wonder when I will do those tasks, most probably after I "spit into bitchy customer's food".

The afternoon is quiet as I keep my fishing pole erected and my eyes open.

One ang moh couple comes in and as part of my "Good Service" movements I greet them, they stand in the queue and start pointing to the menu board and talking to themselves, obviously deciding what to eat. Without warning my spider sense tingle and i feel a pang of celestial aura slap my blemished face, the backdoor has been opened, the carp is now. I try to keep my legs attached to my torso while the fat surrounding my heart tries to keep it encased within my A-cup moobs (man-boobs). The carp swims up joyfully as I bellow a "HI" laced with sheer excitement and longing. I begin to feel my cranium becoming void when i belt out a stupid question, thankfully the carp is magnanimous and the 2 ang moh anchovies are still whispering to themselves. I decide to serve Julian first because the 2 ang mohs are indecisive and I love Julian. Love as in fanship, not romance or lust, why am i feeding you ideas?

I begin extracting my professional sandwich making tools which consist of a knife and plastic gloves, I wholeheartedly craft Carp his meal and I added extra cheese without charging. I hope my manager doesn't read this. His tone is cordial and says "Hey, you're back!" Yes, Iam back here fishing because I want to see you and Iam glad you know Iam back, means you know I exist on the material plane! He kept smiling at me too, I feel so feather light now as I type it all out.

I enter his meal into the cashier system, make some amends and charge the guy 8.90. He hands over a 10 dollar note, I owe him 1.10. By then the ang mohs have already made up their mind and my co-worker has served them up to my station, the cashier. I charge the ang mohs and forget some one's change as he is filling his 32 ounce cup, big appetite for big man. He fills that colossal cup. "Thank You," he bellows back to me and is about to waltz away when i yell "Your change!" sounding like some desperate housewife longing to see the person you haven't seen in eternity. I look at my till and realise all i can offer him are 10 cent coins.

"Sorry I can only give you 10 cent coins as i have ran out of one dollar coins," I beam.
"It's alright!" the magnanimous carp speaks with that coveted celebrity slang.

I suppress my malicious cackle and start handling him his 10 cent coins, 5 by 5 by 1.

And as part of my "Good Service" gestures I always opt to return my customers their coins by coming in direct heavenly contact with their golden fingers to portray everlasting sincerity after which I would lick my fingers and bask in the saccharine sweet endearing taste.

Done to Death

2007-07-03T22:30:00.000+08:00

Sébastien-Roch Nicolas de Chamfort quote - The most wasted day of all is that on which we have not laughed.

This quote spells good news for many of my peers on msn and blogs! They certainly do not waste days as so they portray online. I mean all of you my darlings out there must have at least used or over-used this Internet chat lingo known as "lol" or known as laughing out loud, yes its laugh-ING out loud and not laugh out loud. Please, there is an ING at the back if your English is good enough to point out grammatical errors. But anyway flawless grammar and spelling is usually suspended in online chat sessions, informal emails, blog entries and sms and that is usually fine.

Back to the issue about this LOL thing. No I'm not pausing in the middle of my entry to laugh out loud, ah hah! Here i do not have the ING at the back of "laugh" because I'm being grammatically accurate. Ok no point explaining because this is not an English class but then just know when to use ING and when not to. If you have read up to this point and do not understand what I have been typing to far, its English, and if you still do not understand, tell me your name and i will report you to the "Speak Good English" movement.

We all use LOL in our daily online chat sessions and whatever, basically this has become such a common practice, everyone uses it whenever they feel like or have the urge to hit the L-O-L keys. We usually use this to show to the other party or reader that we are not in a bad mood but this does not imply we feeling really jubilant. We just want to let the other party know that we are not harbouring any negative feelings to the person or something else. We use it to show the other party that we are interested in chatting and we are not exuding hostile vibes, this LOL thingy is also probably used as in icebreaker.

Horrors of horrors! This LOL thing has become overdone! Here's an example i'm sure everyone can relate to.

Cabernet: Hey!
Sauvignon: lol hi!

See? is Sauvignon really laughing? Even the dumbest of humans will know Sauvignon is not laughing! Obviously! Why the hell will you laugh when someone says HI to you? I mean come on yes you want to let the other party feel warm but then don't you think this is not necessary? Its being extravagant, its like sugar coating and hell yea sugar can have serious repercussions on your health. It was meant solely for the purpose to let the other party you find his/her previous sentence funny and you are laughing for real, it at least comforts the person to know that he/she has a sense of humor that appeals to you. But now? No, I'm only using it because i want to let you know every sentence you type to me is funny and funny and funny. Oh God that person must be darn funny right to the point he invokes guffaws in people with a simple "How was your day?"

Its just pure hypocrisy that we are deluding our friends with our "laughter" and its tragic, horribly tragic. I mean what if you say a line that really makes me laugh out loud physically and I just go "lol", you will be like "oh just another normal lol". Please! Don't crush people's confidence in their sense of humor! I truly appreciate my friends who really can make me laugh and i committed the faux pas of overdoing lol and trying to reassure my friend he was really funny. So how do we actually know when the fellow is really laughing out loud behind his computer screen? The digital age is just filled with more and more hypocrites and socially-disordered people. Laughter is something real and fulfilling, you just have to agree with the quote i have posted at the top of this entry. I did when i first saw it, i realised that laughter is not easy to come by, it comes only when we are with friends or people we are comfortable with. With this sick digital age, everyone just has hypocrisy floating freely in their character pool. I only use LOL when the person i'm talking to types in a really funny line or tells me a joke that actually makes me laugh. And please, doesn't mean we do not use LOL in our chat messages does not imply we are feeling a little edgy, if we were unhappy and wanted you to know, i doubt a reply will come, so please don't presume your friend hates you because he/she did not say LOL at all.

Its so cowardly. "Oh im behind a screen so i can just scold the other party all i want and if he replies i can just close the chat window or block him." But when the actual person confronts you eye to eye i can bet like a million bucks you will cower in fear and deny all your indecorous behavior, i mean my cousin is like that and i think he is a total loser. Its called no-guts. Be a man, it doesn't mean that men only should repent from such misdemeanor, women too, be a proper woman, don't hide behind a screen and shoot your mouth off, insult some in an online chat and then act like nothing happens because you know the chances of your victim finding you is close to zero. There have been people online insulting me and really hurting me and pissing me off and duh i can never find that person, simply because he/she is a motherf**king coward.

LOL has been like assimilated into the deepest vaults of our tiny braincells so much so that i even have friends who use LOL in their speeches! Yes! Real conversations with real real homosapiens. Just imagine now ok, imagine you are talking to a person who uses these 3 letters l-o-l in his actual speech . Very fake and very embarrassing right? I say one line you just reply with 'lol' using your human mouth. I say another and you being a very boring and lifeless zombie trapped in cyberworld goes 'lol'. Oh so now you're flattering my immense sense of humor, how pleasantly sweet of you.

Some food for thought
Someone in class calls a person who steals a "stealer", does that mean anaesthesia is known as a number? (If you are reading this at least I'm correcting you in a safe Internet world where your face is hidden by a screen, so you won't feel so widely embarrassed after committing this morbidly shameful English mistake.)

I So Know It All, Slap Me

2007-06-27T23:23:00.000+08:00

I was supposed to bitch about a classmates who apparently is the hateful Mr "know it all". You know it all, the kind of people you sometimes wish could slap some intelligence and sense into them when they empty their brains trying to look really knowledgeable, but they emptied their brains far too much hence crap just spawns. Don't you hate them? You don't wanna play bad guy by telling them to shut the fu** up or side lining them in your group activities and yet the impetus to do so seems dominant. So you just play good guy and listen to their senseless ramblings and wish it was mom nagging about your half tidied room. I've gone quite far now so I'll just go into a little details about such class dregs, I mean they're totally irritating trying to provide sound advice and technical expertise. Uh. *scoffs* Not to say I'm an elite but when i know if some thing's not stored in my brain ill just keep my trap shut and listen, and probably act like a bimbo who totally knows nothing and tries to learn something to steal the attention. Don't you love it when a clique's discussing something you are totally oblivious to and you wanna squeeze in and you just go in and confess you know nuts, they'll fight to explain their theories to you and you feel so celebrity, everyone wants your attention. There, you just gate crashed some people's conversation. Its about time i stop giving my views on things and deviating from my intended topic which is to give you people insights about class bitches who "Know it all", just hate their stuck-up adamant misdemeanors. Uh, bitches. *rolls eyes towards ceiling*

I'm sitting down for five minutes and think about what i should bitch about these bitches and then i realise i got no ideas, so I'm not going to bitch. Plus, do people who work at Sakae Sushi really know it all about Japanese food? Its a Japanese restaurant so probably some facts and myths about Japanese food would rub off unto thee, and Yes when I'm asking someone else what some dish means please don't cut in and broadcast your stale knowledge to all. And if you read this I'm not going to apologise to you for trying to maintain my writing skills, my Chinese has all gone down the wasteland because i didn't practice at all, so did my piano skills, tennis skills and this tells you now I'm a lazy person who doesn't sharpen his skills once acquired. Yes i know you wanna feel like you're part of the youthful clique but then coming in as a person who thinks he is smarter than the rest isn't really an epitome entrance. No one walks into a social gathering and spills wine onto the host. Wisdom and Experience condenses with age, it also evaporates with age I'm afraid. We should depreciate such intangible assets don't you think?

Life

2007-06-24T22:12:00.001+08:00

Life can change any moment and you can never tell what will happen in the future, things come and thing will go. Friends, objects, wealth, mental stability, nothing stays for certain, nothing lasts forever. If happiness is attained, wont death take it away? What is true happiness? I'm blessed now, my classmates are nice people, my life hasnt ran into any bottlenecks, friends around me care and embrace me with acceptance and understanding, I have a course i enjoy doing, a dream i will chase and achieve, but in the end, when i die, where do i go? If i have happiness built on the back of other's misery, am i truly happy? Im leading a carefree woebegone life right now, I know hardships and turmoil will fly into my face, will i face them with optimism or will i succumb and give up? Will people around me hurt me? and if they do, who truly cares? No one. Only God. Blind faith many call it, but so be it, its a gamble i will take. Does heaven exist? Only i will know when iam dead, till then, whatever comes my way, i only pray i will be alive and be able to pass on the wisdom gained from trying times onto others. To my friends out there, I love you all regardless if we are close or otherwise or casual acquaintances. Knowing you all has somewhat added color to my life, and those who have hurt me one way or another, be it talking about me behind my back or whatever, I forgive you. The Father loves me, He has filled the empty spaces in my soul, yes, bad things will come my way, but it is only through such events that we grow and learn and appreciate. Every thing that happens, has learning points, some may not but most would. Believing in God will not lessen the burdens i will bear, it is only testing me and I will emerge, victorious."Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people..." Galatians 6:10

Incapacitated

2007-02-25T12:26:00.000+08:00

I work in Subway Marine Cove, Singapore now. The environment is condusive for a quiet, shy and lonely person like me. My co-workers do not take the liberty to harp on my mistakes or poke fun at me. My manager is patient and guides me when i make mistakes. She praises me when it's due which is really strong motivation for me to strive for perfection.

"Hi sir, your choice of vegetables please," i questioned a customer patiently while i stared at the Subway door, hoping customers would waltz in to satisfy their cravings for a tantalizing sub. I mean, like hello, no customers, no Subway, no job for me right??

I stare intently at the door. Blinking those eyes, wishing someone will come in and fill the shop till. I stare at the floor when i hear something like a door being pushed open, thats when i look up and...

No, i dont faint or die i juz get a shock and an adrenaline rush while my while my whole body feels like its having a fit and my feet cant carry me anymore.

I see a human male, finely combed black hair, soulful eyes and flawless facial skin (jealous). Biting my nails in this incapacitating situation wont be of any help so i remain still for 3 seconds, waiting for my favourite male celebrity to walk up to the counter. I take vague breaths as my lungs cry out for more oxygen while glycogen is being converted to glucose to sustain all bodily functions. I decide to treat the incapacitant like a normal person so..

"Hi", i inhale and embrace the soothing golden aura as it shines on my pimple-laced face (jealous).

"Hi," ok thats it, end of story, i faint. Where are the jumper cables when you need them?!

I fill my lungs with oxygen before asking the man what he would like to fill his gem-encrusted stomach with. The Man speaks softly with little reservations in his slightly accented voice while those iridescent eyes continue to incapacitate me every few seconds. With jittery hands i shove the silicon toasting mat into the high speed oven to toast the Man's sacred sandwich. While waiting for the toaster to cry out that its task has been completed i arm myself with a pen and paper and all the courage i can muster. The sharp peel of the oven snaps me back onto Earth and i ask for the Man's prefered choice of vegetables to go along with that low-fat sub.

"Which sauce would you like?" i look at that flawlessly combed fringe and realised i have never combed or gell my hair with such exemplary skills. He pronounces "Chipolte Southwest" with impeccable english very much to my surprise. Try pronouncing it and you will know the new names many people have came up with which would eventually lead to my demise. I sprinkle pepper onto this sandwich before meticulously wrapping it up.

The 70% water, 30% protein stick wants to have a cookie or was it a drink, it all happened so fast man, i forgot. If it was Bush i dont think you can even speak, ok. I think He wanted both, a drink costs S$1.80 while a cookie costs S$1.10 so ordering both individually would incurr more charges when a Small Subway meal costs S$2 and you get a cookie and a drink. So me being the ever deserving candidate of the "good service award", i explained this to the Man in haphazzard english, sorry, was kinda in shock you know, If Bush waltz in i doubt you can even say "hi'' ok. The Man aint no comprehend my words, i try again and He gets the picture before i can finish my sentence. He goes for it, S$2, yay i help another soul save money. I brazenly ask for an autograph and a photo together and the Man obliges!! So decorum.

And i watch myself evolving from a part-time fan to a full-time fan.

Pardon any spelling errors, the last time i wrote something was during the O' levels.

Happy New Year

2007-01-03T00:27:00.000+08:00

Ok, its a new year and time to hear about my life. I have no more or 1 primary school friend. But we can hardly hold a conversion face to face so you can presume anything you want.

Next, i have very very real and trustworthy friends from church. My spiritual father takes very professional care of me and my friends whom iam not very close to due to unseen factors. My spiritual dad is a excellent person who sincerely cares for all of us and only wants to see us do well under his holy shackles.

My earthly parents are Godsent people, my mother provides me with social and emotional comfort while my earthly father embraces me with material comfort. Both parents have taught me the right values and how to be a proper human being in a dinning court and at the service counter. Suffice to say, everywhere i go. My brother and i are not exactly glued together by weak potato starch but at least we can hold a sane conversation for an hour or more compared to others who use their fists do the 1 hour talking. I have about 1 or 2 maybe more, secondary school friends who iam very close to, i hope our relationship binds as i dun really like the saying "Friends COME AND GO but enemies accumulate" constantly ringing in my head.

I slog in a diner earning nothing but prejudice and hostility from most of the pitiful workers there. Customers get really dumb sometimes and im really glad my parents taught me the ways of the customer. Sometimes i wish to lend those customers my parents as giving them a wake up slap wont really be an epitome desicion. For those benign workers, well God bless them. For the malignant ones, well i got nothing to say but just keep up your chilish facades iam actually fine with the mask you wear in front of me. This is my life so far, in tons of ways iam more fortunate than many many people including Candy-Ass. For that iam ever greatful to the eternal Christ for blessing me.

Arent you lucky i didnt bore you with Singlish, broken english or silly emoticons like ( XD, =P or whatever nonsense)?

The Devil Phones Students

2006-11-16T22:12:00.000+08:00

"Joel!! Go pack up your room!" yelled the ancient mother from downstairs.

I sulked before reluctantly heading to the hell of a mess. dust particles were released as piles of books that were placed haphazzardly over the table top were moved. Damn, my respiratory system got engulfed again! Thankfully this time by dust and not cancer causing second hand smoke from the ''grade A'' coach driver. It was like another episode of SARS when i finally decided to put on a face mask. With that mask concealing my mouth and my nose i started to breathe like Darth Vader. ''Hohoho messy room here i come'' *Star Wars music in the distance*

''Whoa!! Take a look at this!'' It was something very prehistoric and obviously very dust inviting. I reached for it and waved my hand over the cover to sweep away the dust. There...it...was...NO LAH not the book of shadows in Charmed lah! My only connection to the Devil.....

"Home Economics Secondary 1A"

My eyes bulged in horror as the cover title revealed itself. I slumped backwards and sat there in a daze as thoughts slipped quickly in and out of my mind.....

"Are you clever of stupid?!" A voice echoed throughout the room causing the earth to tremble and the seas to roar. A gush of deathly cold wind took everyone in their wake. Fear and despair mortals, doom has come to this world!

"Stupid, stupid," whispered a really stupid girl. Why succumb to the devil's prophersy when we can vanquish her once and for all and no we do not need the power of three spell. Candy Ass turned her head and raised her three-pointed fork ready to decimate anyone with her caustic tongue should anyone oppose her will. Food and Nutrition lessons had just taken the route to the death toll. We closed our eyes as we braced ourselves for the impending tides of eternal anguish. There was certainly not going to be any candy to savour along the route to turmoil.

I stared intently at that grimore of doom. Home economics, home economics, home economics....

A sharp ring of the telephone pealed insistently bringing me away from my etheral daze.

"HELLO,"

A wave of darkness surged through the phone lines causing epidemic seizures and widespread ruin.

Candy Ass had called to wish me luck during the O level Food and Nutrition Paper......

Iam So Glad We Are Friends

2006-10-19T22:15:00.000+08:00

An open letter to a really BAD friend.

I hereby formally extend my utmost sincere hope that you will fall badly in life as a sign of undying goodwill. You have been my very very lousy classmate for 5 years now. Looking back on what a really lousy human you were iam really going to miss those times. I will miss many things about you as we leave BedokGreen with fond memories.

For the past haunting 5 years i have been faced with you terrible collagen-boosted-honey-glazed-peanut-oiled lips. They were very very not becoming i swear. Everytime i saw them it reminded me about the yupi gummy i threw into the toilet bowl. As i move on in my life i begin to think about your future too. With those sagging lips bl0cking your sight it would really be enticing to see how you answer your O level questions which actually whether you answer or not makes no difference. You are going to fail really bad and i will just have to confort you. Just make sure those lips dont suck the life out of me. I will always remember you my friend. When my drain gets stuck and i need suction cup as big as your little peanut shaped lips to aid me.

Hey! Remember the times you took out your new nokia handphone to snap pictures of our female classmates for attention only to delete them later? Man! That was so uncool and so lady-like. You shouldnt have deleted them you need them for memory of your happy days in Bedok Green considering your really small brain. I just bought a new camera and i really want to have a photo taken with you but i have to convey my inner emotions to you, iam afraid ur hideous looking blemished face will scar the inner sanctums of my camera making it dysfunctional. I do not trust your pampered lips which wastes ginseng every morning will out of kindness churn out a new camera. You are so so lucky to not have any humanitarian qualities in you. Seriously man stop telling me the value of the ginseng you waste every morning. No one airs dirty laundry in public man. Stop telling everyone you are such a wasteful animal.

Hey! Yea! You owe me money! I really anticipated that you would return me my money. I guess i shoudnt be too hopeful in life when i meet really dim-witted people like you later in my meaningful life. Oh and please. PLEASE do not come to school early in the morning to show off the everyone in class about your failing love life. Please dont love a girl, we do not need petrified girls in Singapore who would be afraid of dating. Please. I mean i saw those sick insect bites and i really wanted to help you apply some ''mopiko'' whille singing the tune "Ol'macdonald" i mean those lips will go "ei ai ei ai O" now thats a giving! I really had a fun filled 5 years watching you ruin your future, it was really really very mesmerising i swear. I would really like to continue being your friend in the future and be there for you as a really good friends in the downs and downs of your sick life. I really treasure the times i watched you fall and i really wish you all the worst in your future endeavors.

Post.Script : You do not have to return me my divine money, just regard it as your first paycheck from your career as a beggar. I hope to see you soon.

Iam only human

2006-10-01T00:59:00.000+08:00

"Hahahahahahaha"

"Hahahahahahahaha"

"Hahahahahahahahaha"

Those little brats began to laugh uncontrollably. I would have bet nothing in the world could stop not even if army tanks appeared to squish them to relive another episode of Tianamen Square. Their demonic laughter continued to echo throughout the whole room. Bounced right of the walls and entered my ears. I was only a feeble 9 year old child trying to answer nature's call, it was after all me just being respectful to nature.

''Hahahahahah''

The laughter continued to slap my unusually huge ears. I swore i would never ever commit this sin again even if it means blowing the shit out of my intestines. I would never fart in class again.

My teacher welcomed me into the class, i was late and i forgot to bring my apple to place on her desk. I scanned the room and there all those little bags of protoplasm had their puny eyes focusing on me like i had the huge capital S seared on my chest. I tiptoed across the room to look for a spot juz small enough to contain my cells. I slowly placed my ass ( my ass did not protrude at that time, it was only during puberty when i got my ass ) on the small spot while everyone continued to stare at me in awe. It was only when my butt landed without a parachute then the pupils' pupils stoped receiving light from me to enter their eyes. My english teacher continued with her everyday rambling which caught the attention of no one.

Without warning i felt a surge of energy impulses running through my body. It was like a snowball rolling downhill. It became bigger and bigger. I felt my asshole open like missile silos ready to release the bomb. I closed my eyes in disbelief and wanted to take cover from the incoming bomb. I tried to seal the silo but the controls were too weak. The missile was going to be launched. In desperate haste i did all i could. I spread my legs, twitched my ass everything i could to keep this lethal weapon from breaking lose. I knew i could not run from the inevitable. I released the gargantuan missile and hoped for the least destruction.

"Puuuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkk"

The bomb has went off i repeat the bomb has went off, everyone take cover. Ground zero is hot i need backup teams consisting of.....

It detonated.

I farted.

Like A Virgin

2006-09-20T00:13:00.000+08:00

English lessons! I love English Lessons, the teacher is so motherly, patient and knowledgeable and yet in the same lesson basking in the glory of a miracle are plain dim-witted pests. Empty vessels making the most stupid and immature comments of all time blowing my brain to kingdom come. It is said that throughout the world education has been refining people time and time and again. No i disagree. Objection would obviously not be over-ruled.

Yet i wonder how i have survived countless attempts on my life. All those screams of utter shallowness and stupidity. All those unholy and immature comments. On monday my English language teacher told us to pen down our thoughts on our expectations of our future spouse. Sitting down with my group which consisted of an intelligent monkey, a lanky teenager, a friendly foreigner and a devout christian we listed our expectations. We looked at our finished product and smiled, looking at how sane and saint it was.

Finally it was time to share what we had penned! The lanky teenager and the friendly foreigner had volunteered their services as presenters. A winsome smile sent to them by the group was an attempt to boost their confidence, after all it took them great courage to stand up on front of a class made up of 1/4 emptied cranium demons who were ready to release their firearms of immature, irrelavant and unnecessary comments just to gain short-lived happiness. (And in this case if i were someone like that ill be despairing about my low maturity level and pathetic ability to respect myself and comprehend human feelings! *Shudder*)

As their tightly pursed lips made endless circles and their tongue waiting to lash out as though it has been in captivity for centuries the friendly foreigner was also ready to begin his presentation, and i was bracing my ears for another everyday ghastly experience, The Immature Word Vomit (TIWV).

''The future wife must be a virgin'' the friendly foreigner had spoken his first sentence.
There in the back aisle the lips had been loaded, the tongue stretched. TO ARMS!!! TIWV had begun. ''Like a vrigin?! Eeeewww disgusting, like hello now is the 21st century'' i could hardly remember the actual sentence, remember, i was trying to avoid assimilating the comments, i was preserving my sanity, my brain had enough over the last 2 years.

Setting the expectation of having a virgin as a spouse is a prudent and yet mature and sensible decision and also beyond comprehension to the empty vessels.

Yes in time to come they will gradually grow a brain and certainly 2 thumbs up to that and for now, English lessons! I love English lessons, marvelling at human accidents adamantly strutting their stupidity.

Thou shalt not label blogs

2006-09-20T00:11:00.000+08:00

24 July 2006 a monday i entered my brightly lit classroom sat down and started to read a book. Enjoying my 'crunch' chocolate bar and some mineral water. It was quite relaxing. The morning was fresh and the people around me were quite awake and chatty. ''Its a monday,'' i thought in disbelief. The weekend had flew by so quickly.

When i headed back to class after a usually appalling morning assembly in the courtyard an uncouth remark shot me. The previous entry 'Moral Mess' was dubbed as racist and riot triggering. I sought the opinions of the mature just to be sure i was not at fault.
Racism - Abusive or aggressive behaviour towards members of another race on the basis of such a belief. Source: Colins English Dictionary

The entry was not racist because:
-Racism means saying very horrible things about a race, the skin color, the language, the customs. The entry DID NOT speak of such things. Not even a racial group was named in the entry. Only the religious group of Christianity was mentioned in which that religious group was hit by irresponsible remarks.

-The names of the 'aristocrats' were concealed. Leaving their race unknown. Should i have mentioned their names and also said they were 'malicious' 'senseless', 'irresponsible' would be quite rude as i would be saying people of their race are evil. But no, their names were kept secret. And then again, all races are equal as are all human.

-The entry is not racist, it is about people being racist. People misinterpret. English can get complex, but with a little effort to try and comprehend the language it can be very beautiful.
Possible Reasons my blog was dubbed.

Iam not exactly enraged by the comment, but there should be a reason. Let me speculate a little, i should be granted the right to do so. If a person can label my blog iam sure i too can make assumptions about the reasons for the labelling.

-Sheer Boredom. When we get really bored of the way things go around we tend to seek new thrills. Perhaps labelling has become a new way to satisfy our insatiable hunger for thrill.

-Guilty Conscience. Probably somewhere in the entry i hit the nail on the head. That person is probably guilty of churning some of the anti-religious statement thats why the desperate need to flush away that entry.

-Shielding a friend. Surprisingly in this decadent world we still stand up for our friends. But for the wrong cause. Should my friend make such rude racist remarks sure i would advise him against it. Such irony. We want to protect our friends from justice. Be responsible, dare to comment, dare to own up.

No more hard feelings. There never was, on my side. I confided in some friends about this and they stood by me advising me and helping me. My conscience is clear, iam not racist. I will sleep well tonight.

Forgiveness comes naturally when apologies come gradually.

Post Script, To err is human, to forgive is divine. I choose to forgive.

Moral Mess

2006-09-20T00:08:00.000+08:00

Due to very appalling responses to the chinese language i have chosen the chinese basic course which requires me to go to Saint Patricks School every tuesday. I do not attend mother tongue lessons in my own school therefore i remain in my own class during the mother tongue lessons. Mother tongue lessons were at the end of the school day and exhausted by the heat i began entering slumberland. All was tranquil until a very very vile remark slapped my ears and took me out of my beauty sleep. It came from behind me.

''Christians are very ''chee bye'' (extreme Singaporean vulgarity)

I was aghast and dumb-founded when those inhumane words reached by ears. It turned the rest of my free time from a luxury to a lamentation. It certainly left me questioning the morals of these two very objectionable people. That very morning my principal was preaching about racial and religious harmony yet on the same day someone could churn out such an irresponsible remark. We Singaporean students recite the pledge daily to lock in the moral to be more subdued when speaking about racial and religious issues. I can safely say this is not working. Two years ago i heard another comment speaking of Christianity being a fake religion. I strongly believe religion teaches us to be upright and conscious people. All religions are equal, but making such remarks isolates us from the rest of the world! Iam well disliked by some shallow classmates for adamantly telling everyone my faith lies Jesus Christ.

But i do not mock or discriminate against other religions. I have another classmate who used to question the every move i make and judges me harshly. Its like iam representing the whole christian community! He makes snide, unruly, mean, malicious, sarcastic remarks and adopted a pet phrase ''You're a bad christian''. Thankfully he has stopped it and makes a good friend. Clearly these people are devoid of sensivity. I remain passive as iam mature enough not to spark a riot. But our passivity does not send the signal to the shallow saying we should be thrown more rotten and senseless remarks. The moral decadence of today's youth just leaves me in awe.

My Redang Island Trip

2006-09-20T00:03:00.000+08:00

Going to Redang island settled thoughts of excitement in my mind, the vast array of activities and the very first time i would be travelling to Malaysia by coach. We travelled with a tour company which required us to paste their company logo on our shirts for identification. I was all for the coach.

However moments after we entered the coach, my entire family of 19 came to a conclusion that taking a chopper back to Singapore would be a very intelligent choice.

When nature calls: As humans we needed to answer nature's call when there's a high tide or the need to unload the 'refugees'. However due to the driver's absolute ignorance towards the english language discharging the raw materials for new water was quite an obstacle. Fortunately my dad was a fluent speaker of malay so this problem was evaporated quickly.

Noise: During the entire journey chairs began to creak, hindering everyone's ability to enter slumberland. The high pitched incessant creaking brought out the beast in us. Obviously the coach has been around much much longer than the matriarch of my family.

Cleaniness: Baby roaches could be seen darting around ready to send the women into a fit. Fortunately their unholy streak was ended when my aunt gave most of them the death sentence. The noise a petrified woman can make is unbearable.

The Cold: Embrace the cold. I felt that the ice age was approaching each time the coach had its engines running. Jackets were pulled out from bags in an attempted to prevent frostbite from occuring. Enjoying the journey was a thought which could not be assimilated into our soon to be numb bodies. Our torment was melted when i furiously ripped off the sticker on my shirt to seal the chilly vents.

Sleep: With creaky chairs and frostbite, sleep settled in gradually.

As the journey progressed into the night the drivers effortlessly added to our anguish by lighting up his tobacco sticks and engulfing our respiratory system with second hand smoke.